Sermon Nuggets Mon Dec 21
Theme- Children and Parents
Verses Col 3:20-21 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Children and Parents
The verses this week speak on children and fathers. However, we can include mothers as well. The relationship and responsibilities we have as parents are the next most important after God and our spouse. Children are a gift from the Lord.
Maybe someday I will discuss with one or both of my sons to dialogue with me on child rearing. I would include all the wonderful ways I fulfilled my fatherly responsibilities and they would write down all my mistakes and short comings that I would love to ignore. Parenting and growing up in most homes are filled with failures and successes. We all wish we could have done it better. We all fall short of what God intended.
I am very proud of my sons and how they are developing. Certainly I want to control their lives and have them do everything I want them to do, but that is not my role nor would it be a good idea. God has made them far differently than me and has given gifts and abilities and will continue to work in their lives in the years’ ahead if He so allows.
In the 70s I read most of the books written by Charlie Shedd, who was the James Dobson of his day. I quoted from his book, “Promises to Peter.” Let me summarize his quote.
He started as a single man doing a seminar entitled, "How to Raise Your Children." Then he got married and changed the title of his seminar to "Suggestions for Parents." Not very long after that, his first child came along, and he changed the title to "Feeble Hints for Fellow Strugglers." Then he had his third child, and he completely gave up doing the lecture.
Many of us can identify with that. Perhaps you're like that lady who got on the bus with five children. The bus driver said, "Are these all your kids, or are you just going to a picnic?" She said, "Sir, these are all my kids, and this ain't no picnic."
Recently I listened to a single adult tell me how she would raise her children if she had any. I bit my lip and kept quiet. I confess I said the same things when I was single. It was stupid stuff. Not that it didn’t sound good, but let’s face it, the complexities of kids and parents and the situations in which we find ourselves are so unique that simple and pat answers fall short of reality. But neither can we use that as an excuse to ignore God’s Word to guide us.
Ps 127:3-5 “Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.”
Having children is not God’s will for all couples. But if this is the calling and circumstance the Lord allows it is a blessing. We tease a great deal on the challenges of child rearing, but being a child raised by parents who are not perfect is no picnic either. As much as I thank God for my parents and their Christian commitment, I could easily point out their foibles. I needed to learn to forgive as well as ask forgiveness. I set them up as a young child knowing all the answers to life and when they didn’t, I was quite disillusioned. Yet they were God’s choice for me. It was no accident that I was in their home. The sovereignty of God is wonderful. No one lives in a perfect environment with perfect people. But Jesus was also raised by sinners in a fallen world. It is in those relationships that we see the grace of God and learn how to live after picking ourselves up (or having God pick you up) and go on from there. Forgiving and being forgiven are important steps in all family relationships.
My life is fuller and richer because I was a parent. God used my sons and foster daughters to mature my faith, humble me, and make me pray lots more that I might otherwise. Anyone, single or married, with or without children, can develop relationships with children that are healthy to enhance your life and be used to bless their lives as God works in and through you.
Pastor Dale
Sermon nuggets Tues Dec 22
Importance of Order
God is not the God of chaos but of order. Every organization must operate with some order and responsibility. Rules may be formal or informal. If you have a group of children playing together it isn't long before they chose up sides. Someone is appointed leader or captain of a team and a game develop. Or as a couple of kids play they may learn to compromise playing a game one child wants for awhile and then a game the other child wants. Without some type of order you have no game; you have no rules; and you have no fun.
God began creation by taking chaos and creating order. Satan has always sought to disrupt that order and bring chaos. God's plan was that He has ultimate authority and order in our lives. Satan's plan was to disrupt that authority and order and make people think they have complete control over their decisions, desires, and actions. Hence we have not only a authority conflict we have a spiritual conflict, as well as personal conflict and family conflicts.
In any society God had planned that there be order. Government has the responsibility to benefit of its citizen by preventing chaos and establish order, by protecting and establishing the welfare for its citizens. That can be done through monarchy, dictatorship, democracy, republic, socialism- all of which is superior to anarchy and disorder.
God's plan for family is to bring children into the world with the parents having the authority to train and bring up their offspring in the honor and admonition of the Lord. Parents have the authority and responsibility to provide for and protect their children. Even though our society has changed, even though there are many parents who have given up their authority, even though there are some who have abused and misused their God given responsibility, this was and still is the plan that God had given for nurture and protection of children. If they cannot do it, then government steps in and does it. But that isn't the first plan of God.
In Biblical days children weren't granted any rights. They were seen as property. In the Greek world they could be sold by their parents as slaves. Or if a father acquired debts he could not pay his whole family could be sold as slaves to pay off the debts. In fact, in Rome a slave had more rights than a child did.
As followers of Jesus Christ there is a relationship of responsibility as well as authority. It begins with making a strong marriage in which to raise children. There are important roles designed for both the father and mother to play in child rearing. In cases of father's death or abandonment God has proclaimed a special category where he gives grace and blessing to those women who bear that responsibility. He gave the church also responsibility to help single parents, which we need to take seriously and more so in the days ahead.
The best thing you can do to raise strong children is to have a strong marriage. Are their perfect parents? Of course not. Sin, selfishness, pride creeps in and mistakes and offenses are clearly made, but there is a plan that gives guidance.
Do kids tell parents what to do? No; Do parents tell God what to do? No. Do kids tell each other what to do? No. Do parents tell kids what to do? Yes. Does God tell parents what to do? Yes. And it is the parent’s responsibility to help teach their children God’s ways. To learn to mature is not just independence from parents, but dependence on the Lord. That is the order that leads to blessings in the long run.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Wed Dec 23
Importance of Obedience
I believe the importance of order and responsibility are also a spiritual issue. Attitudes of authority can be the basis of children’s early relationship with the Lord. How they obey the parents will influence how they are to obey the Lord some day.
Obedience is related to respect. It means one is ready to receive instruction, but is submissive to correction and direction. The more someone sees himself as dependent the easier it is to obey, the less one sees himself as dependent the harder it is to obey.
Obedient children please the Lord. It is right. And even if parents are not perfect God has place them in that responsibility to provide order and training. That is God's design.
There are rare occasions when the state or police or social services needs to intervene because that authority is neglected or abusive, but rather than seek to be the exception to the rule, children need to learn obedience at home for life lessons in the future toward others who are in authority in their lives.
Luke 2:41 They went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them But his mother treasured all these things in her heart, and Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men."
Jesus was 12 years old at this point often considered an adult in their society, but as long as he was with his family it was the will of the Father in heaven for Jesus to be obedient to the parents on earth, even though they were not sinless and they were not perfect. Jesus who is to be our example was an obedient son. A child who does not learn to obey his parents often has problems throughout his or her life with authority. He will defy his teachers, employers, police, and others.
When parents are able to receive exhibit authority in love children are more secure and trusting.
My friend who was a nursery school director informed me her children play happily when they know what they can and cannot do, and where their boundaries are. They will check from time to time to see that those boundaries are secure. If they fine simple rules are not kept increased anxiety results. If the teachers are consistent with keeping the rules and giving correction to the children who try to go beyond those boundaries there is increased disorder.
It is true of any leadership. If our country believes in the strength and trust of its leaders they are more apt to be followed. The more the leadership ignores laws and sets up rules unto themselves the result is lack of trust, order, and security.
Dr. Laura Schlessinger was a popular radio talk host on family values and personal concerns. Unfortunately she was taken off the air from secular radio when her view conflicted with homosexual political correctness. Here is an except from her conversation with a teen girl from her program. "your mother's concern is your welfare and she is totally responsible. If you go out and do anything, the police come back and make her pay for it. She is completely, morally, socially, psychologically, emotionally, physically, and financially responsible for you. When someone has all that responsibility you better believe they have the power. You will have the power, my dear young lady, when you take over all those responsibilities for yourself. The person with the responsibility has the power. You have absolutely no responsibility therefore, you have virtually no power.
"You are not controlled. You are incredibly well taken care of. That's correct that you can't have your own way because at 15 you don't have enough wisdom and experience in life to know what the right way is. You only know what you want and what your other friends have. You mother has a broader picture and it frighten me that you don't respect that.
"You have a right to ask. You have a right to negotiate and discuss. You have no right to argue with your mother None. Zero. But you can negotiate and ask. It is disrespectful and arrogant to argue, but it reasonable to say, "Here is the plan. Here are the ideas. Does this meet everything?" When then your parents make a decision and you honor it. You know what respecting your mother means? You ask her, She thinks it though she makes a decision and you say, "Yes, ma'am. " and when you're totally responsible for all your bills and all your welfare, you can frustrate yourself with your own decision. But right now you honor the person who is totally taking care of you and gave you life.”
As parents and grandparents if God has given you responsibility to teach them to obey as unto the Lord even if it makes you less popular. We are not talking about needless rules, or conflict of power for the sake of power, but an understanding and caring heart that is secure in doing what is best for any child will go well and be in keeping with God’s design in the child parent relationship.
However, children will also watch to see if you are respectful and obedient to those who are in authority over you. Show them the values of order and obedience and how to respectfully handle disagreements. Leave the long term results and consequences to the Lord. Pray for wisdom. Don’t be afraid to apologize when you make a bad decision. Integrity with good intent goes a long way.
Pastor Dale
Sermon nuggets Thurs Dec 24
Verses- Eph 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"-- which is the first commandment with a promise--"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Issue of Offense
The passage in Ephesians helps us understand what it means to exasperate the children. Parents must bear responsibility to be parents. It is not always a fun job any more than being a kid is always fun. It means stepping up to the plate and taking the responsibility to provide correction and training and love, and rebuke and discipline.
Exasperation isn't the same as making them upset, but it keeping them from proper goals. The opposite of exasperation is bringing them instead in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Exasperation is when the child has no understanding where he is at, what he should do. It comes with lack of training, lack of love, lack of understanding. It happens when there is unfairness, and abuse, anger, and manipulation. Exasperation results when children are confused.
Exasperation is when parents are cheating and drunk, and not providing for their family, or not spending time with children, or giving very little interest in their activities. It makes them feel unimportant.
Exasperation is not the same as a child who is upset with house rules or discipline. Hebrews 12 makes it clear that no one likes discipline, but it produces good fruit in the long run. Even God our Father disciplines us because he loves us. A loving parent will discipline their children. An uncaring parent will only discipline them if they get in their way, or keep them from their own selfish pursuits, otherwise they ignore them.
It is a grave responsibility of parents toward raising children who bear the image of God on them. To steer them into adulthood, to recognize they're on loan from God.
Some will say a child need to ventilate his or her anger and say anything and throw things to get it out and not stuff it? Is that true in the adult world? If an adult is upset with a policeman and call him names and throw things at him, does that produce good? Respect is learning proper way of expressing feelings-the need to be heard and need to listen. Parents that is true for children.
I remember a story of a young child and mother going into restaurant to order. She wanted a hamburger, No children. With ketchup, no vegetable with chicken. fries, no chicken. coke. Milk.
"Mom, she thinks I'm a person.”
I quote a poem by Henry Matthew Ward called By Example
When I got mad and hit my child, "For his own good," I reconciled And then, I realized my plight. Today, I taught my child to fight.
When interrupted by the phone I said, "Tell them I'm not at home." And then I thought, and had to sigh- Today I taught my child to lie.
I told the tax man what I made, Forgetting cash that I was paid And then I blushed at this sad feat, Today, I taught my child to cheat.
I smugly copied a cassette, To keep me free of one more debt. But now the bells of shame must peal, Today I taught my child to steal.
Today, I cursed another race. Oh God, protect what I debase, For now, I fear it is too late. Today, I taught my child to hate.
By my example, children learn, That I must lead in life's sojourn In such a way that they are led, By what is done, not what is said.
Today, I gave my child his due, By Praises for him instead of rue. And now I have begun my guide: Today, I gave my child his pride.
I now have reconciled and paid To IRS on all I made. And now I know that this dear youth, Today has learned from me of Truth.
The alms I give are not for show. And yet, this child must surely know That charity is worth the price; Today, he saw my sacrifice.
I clasp within a warm embrace My neighbor of another race- The great commandment from above. Today, I taught my child to love.
Someday, my child must face alone, This world of fearsome undertone, But I have blazed a sure pathway; Today, I taught my child to pray."
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Sat Dec 26
Importance of Fathers
As we conclude this passage for the week we noticed the instructions of verse 21 apply to both parents, but it is directed to fathers. There are many studies that speak of the importance of the father and his role in the family. The father has tremendous impact has on the child for good and for ill.
There has been a dramatic rise in absent fathers from the home. Psychologist, Christopher Bacorn reported in the past in Newsweek magazine that he sees clients in their teens abusing alcohol, falling into gangs, failing school and committing violent crimes. One consistent pattern among many of these males is no father figure in the home.
Further research shows greater negative impact on children when a father leaves the home than if he dies.
Where are the Dads? Bacorn says where they are not. “They are not a PTA meetings or piano recitals. They're not teaching SS, taking their children to the doctors when they are sick. They can't be seen at juvenile court when Junior is facing sentencing. Where you find many of them are at taverns drinking, conversing playing pool. At casinos gambling, or on golf courses, tennis courts, and bowling allows. They are working at their jobs from early morning to late at night. They are watching TV or tuning up the car. They are every where but in the presence of their children.”
Bacorn reveals that not only do many boys lack a sense of how a man should behave without proper models, many girls don't know either, having little exposure to healthy male female relationships.
In another article John Heiman was US comptroller of the currency in the Carter administration, Charged with the supervision of the national banking system. He took his son and daughter with him to business meetings so they could see what their dad did. Such business meetings were meant for men and women. Sometimes at formal dinners it was not the most stimulating for children, but he tried to include them in conversations, which also helped him keep some of the concepts simple to explain and kept his antagonists polite in their presence.
When his son was in college he surprised his dad coming into one of the banking meetings dressed like a Hippie. Dad was embarrassed. When the meeting ending the chairman stopped Heiman and asked. "How did you get him to come with you? My son refuses to join me in anything I do. What have you done to encourage him? What a son!”
Today Joshua is an officer of a bank. Time paid off.
It is time for the modern father to step up to the plate of responsibility of parenting and not leaving it up to the mothers alone. The family was designed for the male to take his role as God designed. He is to take the initiative to give spiritual training, love and discipline. He is to train and reproof, to play and to work. He is part of the balance with the mother that each child needs to grow in our society and mature as we model Kingdom living before our kids.
Pastor Dale
