Sermon Nuggets Mon May 21 -
Verses: Gen 13: 1-4 So
Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev, with his wife and everything
he had, and Lot went with him. 2 Abram had
become very wealthy in livestock and in silver and gold.
3 From the Negev he went from
place to place until he came to Bethel, to the place between Bethel and Ai where
his tent had been earlier 4 and where he had first
built an altar. There Abram called on the name of the Lord.
Family Feuds
Many of you
remember the game show called Family Feud. Richard Dawson lined up five members
of a family which were teamed up against five members of another family to
answer a question already given in a survey to 100 people. The object is to
gain points and money by guessing the most popular answers to such questions as
foods most commonly eaten at breakfast the time most people get up on Sunday
morning. If you guessed an answer that wasn’t among the most popular the other
team had a turn. Most had fun with it getting rich and working together on
guesses supporting the family decisions.
The most
popular real family feud in America however was between two real warring
families after the Civil war by the Hayfields and the McCoys. This Appalachian
feud began over one clan accusing the other clan of stealing a hog. It
intensified across the borders of Kentucky and West Virginia over timber
rights, and one son impregnating another’s daughter without marrying her. It
kept up for years involving bloodshed and killing of family members.
There are
many family feuds in the Bible. Sibling rivalry is common today as well as
throughout history. It is sad to see how Satan can taken even Christian
families and divide them due to disagreements on things that are so temporary.
Unfortunately as a pastor when I
deal with grieving families and plan funerals bitterness begins with differing
opinions on what should be part of the service. Siblings will hold strong
opinions on things they want or do not want as part of their memory of a
parent. I can guess afterwards when personal items are divided there will be
more hostility because of greed and fairness as to whom gets what inheritances.
I advise older people to make a will and even give away as much as possible
before death to save their children from fighting. Even if the siblings agree
it is often their spouses that will cause a ruckus.
But this week I want to talk about a family feud
as it relates to the faith journey of Abram and involves the clan of his
nephew, Lot. From looking at this passage in the Bible we can address some
stresses in relationships that need to be addressed for peace and love of God
to rule.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Tues May 22-
Verses Gen 13: 5 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram,
also had flocks and herds and tents. 6 But the land could not support them
while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were
not able to stay together. 7 And quarreling arose between Abram’s herders and
Lot’s. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time.
The Stress of
Possessions
The feuds of
the McCoys and Hatfields were over a hog and timber rights. The feud of the TV
show is over money and giving the most popular answers. The feud over Lot’s
side and Abrams side is enough pasture for the sheep and the cattle. They got
so rich that sharing became a problem. It's
interesting that the thing that caused the conflict between the two groups and
the resulting parting of the ways was the abundance that Abraham and Lot had.
Sometimes
family feuds are over possessions. Especially difficult is the time when some dies
and people fight over who gets what. The distribution of goods has caused more
heartaches for people than anything else. Some people think the poorest family
should be favored. Others the eldest, others the closest and who is the
closest. Others determine what they think they should get by their personal
interests. Others are very concerned for equality of value. And it usually
means that whatever is left to distribute someone isn’t happy because they want
what someone else has. Perhaps the worse story I heard was of a family standing
around Mothers bed when she died in the hospital and as soon as she died, one
daughter grabbed the diamond ring and another daughter ran after her out of the
hospital leaving the grieving father by the bedside not only pondering the loss
of his wife, but in a sense his daughters as well.
Jesus was asked to break up a fight
among brothers regarding their inheritance and Jesus pointed them to something
far more important that earthly goods. He didn’t want to be bothered.
Abundance not only battles for our heart, it
also complicates our lives. Think of how simple life was when you were younger.
You didn't have to concern yourselves with payment plans, interest rates,
insurance premiums, investment portfolios and estate planning. You didn't have
to worry about maintenance schedules, current fashion trends, and keeping up to
date on current trends and developments. Life was simple. Decisions were easier
to make. Possessions affect us and others.
While Jesus
walked on the earth he had little. When he sent his disciples out to minister
he told them to take little. Jesus understood that the simple life was easier
to manage. But living a simple life in our day is not all that simple. The list
of basic essentials has grown.
Jealousy among family develops over
who has the most money or the best car, or best job, or cabin by the lake. Many
families do not find personal satisfaction in the relationship but in
competition over possessions. Net worth or special items give many people some
inner feeling of superiority.
Bible says do not put your
treasures in things that lost, stolen or rot, but in heaven when there is
eternal reward. Friends all this is temporary. Houses, treasures bank accounts
do not last. It isn’t important what you have, as it is what you do with what
you have.
Abram had faith in God. God was the
possession that he valued. We see with Abram though he was rich his attention
was not on who had the most herds, or nicest land, it was relationships. So he
was willing to compromise and even give up his rights for something more
important that family feuds over possessions.
I think this is the kind
of life Paul was talking about when he said in 1 Timothy 6:6 Paul
"godliness with contentment is great gain." Paul had learned to
"be content in every circumstance." In other words, he had learned to
stop running after what he didn't have . . . so that he could enjoy what he did
have. Much of the stress and clutter in our life is caused by our discontent.
We are making foolish choices and sometimes hurt or jealous feelings resulting
in family feuds because we want something we don't have instead of being happy
and grateful for what we do have. Find your contentment in God, not in
possessions.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Weds May 23
Verse: Gen 13:7 7 And
quarreling arose between Abram’s herders and Lot’s. The Canaanites and
Perizzites were also living in the land at that time.
The Stress of Prejudice
The
herdsmen fought over possessions and they talked about others living in the land.
I don’t think it was only historical interest to pin point the location when it
is mentioned they lived among the Canaanites and Perizzites. I think part of
the reason it is mentioned is that you are living among people with different
customs, different personalities, and different culture. Some of the people
that were hired were also representing different clans and maybe even races.
They had a different way of doing things. This competition inevitably led to
conflict between the herdsmen of Lot and Abram. They were prejudiced against
others that didn’t do things they way they did.
I
compliment our young foreign exchange students who leave their own country and
traditions and familiar ways of their homeland and come with different
personalities and different customs and all the changes and it isn’t always
easy adjustments. They obviously question why we do things certain ways. At
times they desire their own foods, clothing, and even conversation. It is not
always easy to be in a land whose customs are strange from your background.
There are
also introverts, extraverts, people that are intellectual and others who are
emotional, others who enjoy various styles of music, others differ on having a
good time. You marry into families with different traditions and all that
adjustment is part of a commitment to a relationship that expands your own
world and personality beyond just the familiar to the unfamiliar but
appreciated. That is a stress people have to face.
Personalities and
prejudices certainly play into family feuds. There are so many stories about
families not getting along, especially in-laws because of personality
differences. You are not going to be the same. You can pick your friends but
you cannot pick your families. You can pick your spouse, but you cannot pick
your spouses family. It has been said often, you don’t marry just your spouse;
you marry their family. So now you do the best you can with the differences you
have. Face them. But likewise even
within a family there can be prejudices based on what schools people go to, or
if they serve in a different branch of the armed forces. They can hold
prejudices that run deep on competition for things that are so temporary.
I think it
is great when in-laws can enjoy one another and get along. But there have been
many family feuds over mothers and daughter-in-laws who have different
personalities and can’t accept the fact that one person does things differently
than another and it is okay.
I saw an old
episode of Touched by an Angel where some father had a family business but one
son didn’t want to stay around and work as a mechanic. He wanted to enjoy the
aesthetics of life, rather than working at a job that he found unfulfilling. He
was ostracized by his family for not conforming and being part of the family
business. He left home. Dad said, “Don’t come back until you are ready to come
back for good.”
He found a girl he
loved and married and they were gong to have a baby and after six years he came
home. It’s too long to tell the story but the father who was unwilling to
forgive and accept his son discovered through the angel that his boy had cancer
and wasn’t going to be around long.
Reconcile
before it is too late. Ask forgiveness, seek to make peace, be willing to put
aside differences and personalities to concentrate on the more important
things. Some parents are so busy trying to run their children’s lives after
their adults they lose the relationship they can have and do have in common.
Some families are filled with such insecurity they can’t let useless comments
roll off their backs.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Thurs May 24
Verses Gen
13:8,9 Abram said to Lot, "Let's not have fighting
between us, between your shepherds and my shepherds. After all, we're family. Look around. Isn't there plenty of land out there?
Let's separate. If you go left, I'll go right; if you go right, I'll go left."
The Stress of Proximity
More than anything, Abram wanted to
maintain peace and heal the strife which came between himself and Lot. The
overriding principle is that of the unity. Strangely, though very practically,
this unity is to be preserved by separation. Someone must leave, either Abram
or Lot. Of course, this was a breech of
protocol. Abraham should have made the choice because of his seniority. But
Abraham gave up his privilege and let his nephew choose
There is another thing mentioned.
They were living close together and just needed to have something they could
call their own. I call this stress of proximity, or closeness.
I have always admired the Waltons
on TV where you have Mom and Dad and kids and grandparents all living under the
same roof. Some cultures put a high value on the extended family. The Hmong
culture, even living here in the US, has close attachments not only with their
immediate family but all their cousins, Aunts, in-laws. The clan connections
are very important.
A friend of ours works in the ER at
St. Johns Hospital and in that community whenever someone from Hmong culture is
admitted, they have to send the family to the lobby because everyone is
expected to come. But in our culture living with combined families can produce
tension. Having an elderly parent, or having an adult child or family come and
live with you is not always easy. There are adjustments. I know when there is
illness or for financial reasons people are commitment to making those
adjustments, when if your own family is under a great deal of tension, if it
affects a marriage or has ongoing adverse affect on the children, then change
is needed. Separation of some sort is in order.
Ben
Franklin said, “fish and relatives smell after 3 days.” I think he has
something to that. People enjoy one another for a time, but when they are
around all the time, the relationship can wear thin fast. Our habits,
interests, and priorities even in daily living can cause stress to build up and
take time to make adjustments. If it has to be that is one thing, but if we
have some choices in the matter breaks and time away can help people step back
and re-evaluate as well as appreciate.
What was
the solution for Abram and Lot? It was simple. In order to make our
relationship strong and maintain love for one another, separate. Visits are
fine. We love you, but we see that living together for a long period of time
just isn’t going to be good for either of us or we may no longer like each
other, but become enemies.
Parents,
the Bible says, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his
wife and the two become one. Don’t continue parenting and interfering with your
adult children’s lives, it generally does more harm than good. If you must live
together let each provide a certain sense of privacy and autonomy. Talk over
the things that need to be addressed and let go of the small stuff. But by all
means renew your inner resources from all stresses by depending on prayer and
wisdom from God.
Jesus often
separated himself from his disciples for a reason. It wasn’t because he was mad
at them or frustrated in living closely together, although his frustration did
come from some of their misconceived ideas and attachment to the philosophy of
the world and world’s religious ideas instead of God’s revealed truth. But what
Jesus did in separation is to get in closer proximity with his Father through
prayer and meditation. In the realm of Jesus there is peace and perspective. It
is from that inner strength that one gets guidance and help. The relationships
with others and with family start and continue in our relationships with God.
Dr. H. A. Ironside told of an
experience in his early life when his mother took him to a meeting where two
Christian men almost came to blows over a disagreement. One man finally stood
and pounded the desk and shouted, "I don't care what you do, but I will
have my rights!" At that, an old brother in the Lord stood and said calmly,
“Ah, brother, if you had your rights you'd be in hell! The Lord Jesus didn't
come to get his rights -- he came to get his wrongs, and he got them." And
with that the belligerent fellow sat
down, saying, "You're right, you're right, settle it any way you
like." Soon there was perfect agreement. It was this same spirit that
moved Abram to give Lot the first choice.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Fri May 25 –
Verses Gen 13:10-18 10 Lot looked. He saw the whole plain of the Jordan spread out,
well watered (this was before God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah), like God's
garden, like Egypt, and stretching all the way to Zoar. 11 Lot took the whole plain of the Jordan. Lot set out to the east. 12 Abram settled in Canaan; Lot settled in the cities of the
plain and pitched his tent near Sodom. 13 The people of Sodom were evil - flagrant sinners against God. 14 After Lot separated from him, God said to Abram, "Open
your eyes, look around. Look north, south, east, and west. 15 Everything you see, the whole land spread out before you, I
will give to you and your children forever. 16 I'll make your descendants like dust - counting your
descendants will be as impossible as counting the dust of the Earth. 17 So - on your feet, get moving! Walk through the country, its
length and breadth; I'm giving it all to you." 18 Abram moved his tent. He went and settled by the Oaks of
Mamre in Hebron. There he built an altar to God.
The Stress of Priorities
What we read in these verses is
simply a difference of priority in their lives. Lot was enamored with his
surroundings. He went to the city. Not that there is anything particularly
wrong with cities- you just have more sinners congregating in tighter places.
You deal with more crime, more congestion and all the urban problems of the
world. But there are some of the worse stuff going on in rural areas and
countries too. The heart needs a change.
Lot picked
what was selfishly desirable to dwell in and the word says he pitched his tent
toward Sodom. Sodom is symbolic of among the worse of the sinful cities in that
time. We still use the term sodomize and sodomites for sexual perversion. Lusts
and out of control desires without God ordained boundaries did not make them
free, but more bound. Lot has his eyes on the world, while Abram went and
worshiped.
I think we can see Lot was asking
the wrong questions. There is no record that Lot prayed for wisdom. There is no
record that Lot asked what was best for his family. There is no record that Lot
was concerned at all about what would best support the value system he held to.
Instead, we seem to see that Lot was motivated by the lure of profit and
excitement.
A priority in our busy lives is
what God thinks is important. Selfish lives are narrow and unhappy and
generally unfulfilling. The priorities of importance are times with
relationships of family, friends, church, and with the Lord.
Abram dwelt among the oaks, meaning there was a separation that was right
for him. Again it isn’t so much the location as the center of ones attention.
Lot was where he was because he made his decisions without the direction or
even desire of direction from God. Abram was where he was because he wanted
God’s will and not his own.
We have stress in most of our
relationships because of differing value systems, or priorities of life. Most
of my fathers’ family were not believers, most of my mother’s family were. We
did not have a lot in common with my dad’s side. They would drink, they would
argue, they would gossip about one another, so we never got terribly close.
When my mom’s side got together it was much more positive conversations and
actions and love and cooperation.
With my dad’s family there were
many feuds. People wouldn’t talk to others in the family because of some
incidents they took personally and wouldn’t forgive. In my mothers side there
were the same offenses but there was forgiveness, which was the basis of
relationships. Herein is a priority that makes the difference.
As followers of Jesus Christ, our
values are to be different from the rest of the world. Our primary concern is
not profit or the amassing of things. Our purpose should be to glorify God and
to enjoy Him forever. If you want to make good decisions, ask the right
questions. In every choice we must trust God’s providence.
We believe in God's prophecy
because we believe He is in control of history and the events of history. We
believe in prayer because we believe God has authority over the issues of life.
We believe that God leads, guides, and directs. It's time to believe that in
our decision making.
What ought
we to do? The Bible says as much as it is within you, live in peace. There is
not a question that it takes two to make peace. The first to offer the peace is
the believer and mature person. I don’t expect it of the immature or unbeliever,
but with the grace of Christ there is the desires for reconciliation and love
even when our rights and our persons have been attacked.
I am not
oblivious to many who come from backgrounds that are terrible dysfunctional and
families that have been abusive to various degrees. Criminal behavior demands
and results in consequences that are the result. Sometimes there are
consequences of loss of freedom in jail or prison. Sometimes those consequences
are loss of relationships throughout all of life. But those who find peace meet
those experiences with the grace that comes within.
I know that
people who have been victims have had to give their burdens to Jesus and found
freedom within in various degrees. Those who hang on to them generally become weights
over which they never recover. Can you give up bitterness rage and anger as Eph
6 says? Not without the grace and love of Jesus to do so. Jesus on the cross
said “Father forgive them they do not know what they are doing.” I am sure
there are many a parent and grandparent that acted out of ways they did not
know what they were doing. But they could do no different because it was not
controlled by the spirit of God but self or even worse.
More than anything, Abram wanted to
maintain peace and heal the strife which had come between himself and Lot. The
overriding principle is that of the unity of brotherhood that must be
preserved. Strangely, though very practically, this unity is to be preserved by
separation. Someone must leave, either Abram or Lot
Let me
mention in conclusion after God is in first place, keep the priority of family
relationship with your mate first, our children, second, your parents third. Do
not tolerate manipulation. Seek to deal with the issues rather than the
emotion. Set down reasonable ground rules for your family and seek to be
consistent. Do not cut off ties with family members if at all possible. Be
friends, initiate visits be kind. You can behave lovingly even if you do not
feel loving. It will help and encourage your spouse to make efforts to spend
time with his/ or her family.
If tensions
arise do what Abram did. Keep visits short and interesting. But separate places
to live. But seek Gods’ will for your life and His strength to face the things
that need to be faced and to forgive and forget the things that do not matter.
Pastor Dale
