Sermon Nuggets Mon Aug 13 Finding a Spouse
Verse Gen 24:1-4 Abraham
was now old and well advanced in years, and the Lord had
blessed him in every
way. 2 He
said to the chief servantin
his household, the one in charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh. 3 I
want you to swear by
the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, 4 but
will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac. ”
Finding a Spouse
How do you
find a spouse? I came across some interesting advice given by children. Kally
age 9 tells us “You flip a nickel and heads means you stay with him and tails
means you try the next one.” I can imagine 10 year old Allan has overheard some
conversations at home since he gives this advise “You got to find somebody who
likes the same stuff. Like you like sports, she should like it that you like
sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” When asked about finding
a spouse Anita age 9 writes’ Its better for girls to be single but not for
boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them” Perhaps Kirsten age 10 is on the right track when she
write, “No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to
marry. God decides it all the way before, and you got to find out later who
you’re stuck with.”
I’ve
already shared some amazement in India where most of the marriages are
arranged. I asked John Bushey what happens if a guy likes a girl and vice versa
and they want to get married. He told me the story of one of his classmates at
the university who was Hindu. He took a liking to one young lady. The family
informed him that they would arrange the marriage. But he continued to contact
her. One day his body was all chopped up and delivered to his house with no one
claiming responsibility. Dating just isn’t done.
The rate of
divorce is greater when Western customs are practiced. Dating isn’t all it’s
cracked up to be either. Many in our society think trial marriages are the way
to go, but once again statistics show more people break up after living with
someone than those who commit to marriage before living together. As Ann
Landers said, “A marriage license is not a guarantee that the marriage is going
to work, any more than a fishing license assures that you’ll catch fish. It
merely gives you the legal right to try.”
Genesis 24 is the longest chapter
in this book. It is devoted to finding a wife for Isaac. Some Christians think
that God has only one person in the world designed to be their spouse and if
they are unhappy in their marriage relationship they didn’t get the right
person and should divorce and try again. That certainly is not a Biblical
concept. So far as our own partners are concerned, we need to place far more
emphasis upon the matter of being the right partner rather than upon finding
the right partner.
Although most here are not going to
be looking for a spouse, I believe there are transferable principles in terms
of seeking God’s will in other matters.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Tues Aug 14 Priority
Gen 24: 5 The servant asked him,
“What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I
then take your son back to the country you came from? ”
6 “Make sure that you do not take my
son back there,” Abraham said. 7 “The Lord, the
God of heaven, who brought me out of my father’s household and my native
land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, ‘To your
offspring I will give this land’ —he will send his angel before
you so that you can get a wife for my son from there. 8 If
the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from
this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there.” 9 So
the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and
swore an oath to him concerning this matter.
The Right Priorities
When you seek to make important decisions and
especially one as important as whom you are going to marry many people miss out
on the most significant of priorities. What is God’s will? When Abraham
realized at the age of almost 40 Isaac was to be the one who was going to
produce offspring in keeping with the promise of God he wanted to be sure that
God’s will was followed. First, it was important not to marry a Canaanite woman.
I have had people asking me if the
Bible teaches you should never marry someone of a different race. (I think it
is perfectly fine for Swedes and Norwegians to marry.) One can easily turn to
the Old Testament and show verses how the Israelites were instructed not to
marry foreign spouses. But as you discover the context it was because this most
significant relationship influences spiritual priorities.
There were foreign spouses who were
people who believed and followed God and there was a blessing to their
marriages. Rehab was both a foreigner and a sinner, as a prostitute, but was
converted and honored in the lineage of Jesus. Ruth was a Moabite but in this
great love story of the Old Testament she converted and followed the Lord God
Jehovah and is honored in the list of women. Scripture shows clearly the
priority of marriage is marrying someone who shares the same faith. Following
Gods’ will allows for interracial marriages.
.
The priority for Abraham was God’s
word. It was to be kept obediently to have his blessing. Abraham based his
request on God's promise to Him. He knew that God intended to give this land to
his children. So it was God’s will for Isaac to have a wife and children. He
knew that it was God's intention to judge the Canaanites. So to bring up a
people unto himself he was going to start the search by looking for a spouse
among his own ancestry. Certainly there were many beautiful women in that area.
But Abraham knew that God had called the Jews as His special people. Isaac could
not marry a Canaanite woman because it would lead to a compromise of
faith.
In addition, when we think of the
right priorities Abraham instructed his servant to seek out a wife for his son
with the assurance that God would give divine guidance. “His angel” would be
sent on ahead to prepare the way for the servant. In the search for the right
one Abraham was ready for God to open some doors and close others so to speak.
Leaving the Spirit to direct us involves the circumstances also. If the women
of my ancestry will not return with you, then we will have to look someplace
else perhaps in a different locate, or family, or even country.
I do not know why Christians think
they will find a godly mate in a singles bar or some other such place. I do not
fault any Christian for attending a Christian college or attending a church
group with the hope of finding a marriage partner there. If we wish a godly
mate, let us look where Christians should be. If God does not provide one in
this way, He can certainly do so in His own sovereign way. But it makes sense
if you’re fishing to go where the right fish are. Likewise, young people, when dating, date
Christians who share the same convictions. There is a natural attraction to
girls with boys and boys with girls. Being just close friends for very long
begins to work on the hormones. Many people end up in a relationship that could
have been prevented. Dating frequently leads to emotional involvement and
physical attraction. Romantic love is a wonderful emotional feeling, but it
will never sustain a marriage. Do not put yourself in a situation where
romantic love can grow until you are certain that you want it to grow.
The Bible is where we get our good
start when it comes to finding God's will for our lives. In the Bible we find
commands and principles. If you were driving on a road and a sign said
"Speed Limit 55" that would be a command. If it said "Use
Caution" that would be a principle. The Bible has both kinds of directions
in the Bible. God gives us certain commands. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 "It is
God's will that you should be sanctified and that you should avoid sexual
immorality, that each of you should learn to control his own body." 1
Thessalonians 5:18 "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's
will for you in Christ Jesus."
The commands and principles of
Scripture will point us toward God's will. We find someone we are interested in
but they are not believers and we fret over whether this could be the right
person for us. But the Bible tells us that we should only get involved with
believers. (1 Corinthians 7:39-40)
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Weds Aug 15 Prayer
Gen 24: 10 Then the servant took
ten of his master’s camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good
things from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way
to the town of Nahor. 11 He had the camels kneel
down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the
women go out to draw water.
12 Then he prayed, “O Lord, God of my master
Abraham, give me success today, and show kindness to my master
Abraham.13 See, I am standing beside this spring, and
the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. 14 May
it be that when I say to a girl, ‘Please let down your jar that I may have a
drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too’ —let
her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will
know that you have shown kindness to my master.”
15 Before he had finished
praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the
daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah,who was the wife of Abraham’s brother
Nahor. 16 The girl was very beautiful, a
virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went down to the spring, filled
her jar and came up again.
17 The servant hurried to meet her
and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.”
18 “Drink, my lord,” she said,
and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.
19 After she had given him a drink,
she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have
finished drinking.” 20 So she quickly emptied her
jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough
for all his camels. 21 Without saying a word, the
man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful.
22 When the camels had finished
drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two
gold bracelets weighing ten shekels. 23 Then
he asked, “Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room in your
father’s house for us to spend the night? ”
If we want God's guidance we have
to ask for it. James tells us if
"anyone lacks wisdom he should ask of God who gives to all men
liberally". But we must be asking sincerely.
If the priority is seeking God’s
will we are lead by his commands and principles and then appropriately directed
by prayer. God’s Word give us the path to go. The leading the Holy Spirit by
prayer within those clear paths makes it personal to us. For instance, God does
not want everyone into full time Christian service. But by prayer and calling
he does want some to serve him overseas. If that is the calling of a young man
or woman then pray for a spouse that will share in that calling and commitment.
It was very important to me when I
knew God was calling me to the ministry that God would provide a wife who would
share Christian values, principles to be sure, but also willing to take on the
unique role as a minister’s wife. That meant we both did a lot of praying.
If we truly want to find God's will
we have to keep all options open. Before we can find God's will we have to
trust that God's will is the best. We must understand that what God chooses is
always the right choice. It is certainly true that we will never be open to
God's direction until we can pray with Jesus, "not my will, but yours be
done."
This
servant asked God for a specific sign. Is it appropriate to ask God for a sign?
Throughout the Bible we see Biblical characters discerning God's way in many
different fashions. Some had God speak directly to them in a dream or vision,
Others cast lots (even the disciples in Acts 1) Some asked for other signs
(Gideon Judges 6:37-40 and the fleece; Moses was given a miracle (Ex. 4);
Hezekiah saw his shadow (2 Kings 20:9; ) But remember these Biblical characters
did not have the advantage of God's Word or God's Spirit to guide them. Today
we can check God's Word for guidance and we have God's Spirit living within us
to guide us into all truth. Asking for a sign when God has spoken clearly is an
act of sin . . . not faith.
I will share some personal thoughts
of which you may not agree and that is okay. I have asked God for a sign.
Sometimes I knew what he wanted but wanted to be sure. That was not a act of
faith, but lack of faith since I sensed His Spirit. I would not get a sign, but
acted on what I felt was right. Other times some important decisions were
confirmed and I was affirmed that was the right thing to do.
Look at how carefully the servant chose his
sign. How could the servant determine quickly which of the girls that would
soon be arriving would have the qualities necessary for Isaac? It would be
necessary for him to make the first approach toward conversation, and the
obvious thing would be for him to ask her for a drink of water from her
pitcher. However, almost any girl, out of common courtesy, would agree to such
a request as that.. If, however, she would then, offer to help in some further
way, going a second mile as it were, this would definitely be a good sign.
Perhaps the most severe test would be whether she was willing not only to give
him some water, and perhaps even his attendants, but also his ten camels.
Surely, if she would do this, without grumbling, it would go far toward proving
that she was the kind of wife they were looking for.
There are other times when we
"sense" God speaking to us other than signs. We have an "impression from God."
When God gives an impression He almost always also gives some verification. All
impressions must be evaluated carefully by the clear and authoritative teaching
of Scripture. Scripture wins over feelings. If Scripture does not speak to the
issue we should check with godly friends and circumstances, all giving to God
in prayer to allow Him to lead. Even without “signs” go with what you want to
do after you have given it to the Lord and go with the affirmation that He can
“close the door” through circumstances, and that is alright also.
What do you think?
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Thurs Aug 16 Personality
Gen 24: 15-27 16 The girl was
very beautiful, a virgin; no man had ever lain with her. She went
down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.
17 The servant hurried to meet her
and said, “Please give me a little water from your jar.”
18 “Drink, my lord,” she said,
and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.
19 After she had given him a drink,
she said, “I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have
finished drinking.” 20 So she quickly emptied her
jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water, and drew enough
for all his camels. 21 Without saying a word, the
man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his
journey successful.
22 When the camels had finished
drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two
gold bracelets weighing ten shekels. 23 Then
he asked, “Whose daughter are you? Please tell me, is there room in your
father’s house for us to spend the night? ”
24 She answered him, “I am the
daughter of Bethuel, the son that Milcah bore to Nahor. ” 25 And
she added, “We have plenty of straw and fodder, as well as room for you to
spend the night.”
26 Then the man bowed down and
worshiped the Lord, 27 saying, “Praise be to
the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned
his kindness and faithfulness to my master. As for me,
the Lord has led me on the journey to the house of my master’s
relatives.”
28 The girl ran and told her mother’s
household about these things.
The Right Personality
Well, in making a decision like
marriage I want God’s will. Be in God’s word. Be in prayer. Talk to people whom
I trust that can give good advice. But I also want the right personality match.
One guy was asked why he never got married. He said, He was
looking for the perfect woman. “Haven’t you find her?”
“ Yes, but unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect
man”, so she kept looking.
Let me say
there is no such thing as the perfect couple because of sin. There was only one
perfect couple in all of history and that was Adam and Eve. They were made for
each other and lived in a perfect environment in a perfect relationship with
perfect love until Satan came in and goofed everything up. Since sin came into
the world marriage changed forever. From that time on there are going to be
disagreements, there are going to be adjustments, there will be
miscommunication, and frustrations, and all the things that are common in close
relationships.
I think of Ruth Graham’s comments when asked if she ever
considered divorcing Billy Graham. She said, “Never. I never have thought of
divorce. Although, I’ve come pretty close to murder a couple of times.”
Don’t
expect more of your mate than what God intended. Don’t expect your mate to meet
all your needs. God doesn’t want your spouse to take His place and the most
significant needs in your life can only be met by God not another person. There
are some hobbies and interest and conversations that are better with other
people. That is why God gives us friends. Don’t expect your spouse to always
share your same interests-but it is good to find someone with whom you will
remain faithful in love and seek to work on bettering relationship and
communication if you will find meaning in your marriage.
Some people have the mistaken idea that they will change their
fiancée after they get married. It doesn’t happen. Does the one you intend to
marry and live with for the rest of your life have the personality and
characteristics that you enjoy when you do the mundane things of life? Do you
enjoy thing things together when you shop, when you clean house, when you make
a decision on a car, or furniture for the house, or where you are going to live
and how you decide on priorities for use of money?
Now character
is more important than personality. Character is what you are in your values.
Personality is how that character is displayed. A person may have integrity,
but be very shy. Personality might include if one is an extrovert or introvert.
Character is demonstrated by humbleness. It can be demonstrated in a passive
person or in an aggressive person.
Notice the character and personality of Rebekah. She was
industrious, not lazy. She was willing worker. She was polite, she was
respectful. She was hospitable and humble. She had a good relationship with her
parents, and friends among other women and girls. She was generous and sharing.
And by the way, she was beautiful. Not bad to look at.
As Vernon
would say, Lord make my wife to be beautiful and dumb. Beautiful so I can find
her easy to love and dumb so she can find me easy to love.
When all is
said and done we must walk by faith. And find that you are compatible in the
important values and opinions of marriage and that you will be willing to go
with the strengths of the other. If one is a better money manager than the
other let that person handle the finances. If one is a better organizer than
the other, give those responsibilities to that mate. If one is gifted in
certain areas lead with your strengths and seek to minimize the weaknesses. And
in a relationship let God do the directing. Keep your eyes wide open before you
enter into the relationship and half shut afterwards.
If we would have a godly mate we
must wait for God’s time. How often I have witnessed men and women marrying
hastily, fearing that the time for marriage was quickly passing them by. They
married those who were unbelievers or uncommitted because they concluded that
anyone was better than no one. Isaac was 40 years old when he married. It is
well worth waiting for the mate of God’s choice.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Fri Aug 17 Parents
Verses Gen 24:28-33, 49-51
28 The girl ran and told her mother’s
household about these things. 29 Now Rebekah had a
brother named Laban, and he hurried out to the man at the spring. 30 As
soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister’s arms, and
had heard Rebekah tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and
found him standing by the camels near the spring. 31 “Come,
you who are blessed by the Lord,” he said. “Why are you standing out
here? I have prepared the house and a place for the camels.”
32 So the man went to the house, and
the camels were unloaded. Straw and fodder were brought for the camels,
and water for him and his men to wash their feet. 33 Then
food was set before him, but he said, “I will not eat until I have told you
what I have to say.”
“Then tell us,” Laban said.
49 Now if you will show kindness and
faithfulness to my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so I may know
which way to turn.”
50 Laban and Bethuel answered,
“This is from the Lord; we can say nothing to you one way or the
other. 51 Here is Rebekah; take her and go, and let
her become the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has directed. ”
The Right Parents
Do you
notice how little Isaac had to do with the process of finding a wife? Isaac, if
left to himself, may never have found Rebekah. The first pretty girl or the
first woman to profess a faith in God might have seemed adequate. The servant
was unwilling to settle for second rate. Not only were Abraham and his servant
a part of the process, but Rebekah’s family also had to be convinced of God’s
leading. Anyone who fails to heed the counsel of godly Christians who are older
and wiser is on the path to heartache.
We all know that there are times
when someone must stand alone to do the will of
God. There are other times when a couple feels alone when they come from
families and backgrounds that care very little about spiritual things.
But one of
the big dynamics in any relationship is in laws. It is true, you do not marry
only your spouse; you marry the families. Getting along with in-laws will make
for a better marriage. Now don’t forget when the Bible says that a man needs to
leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife that means your spouse gets
first priority not your parents. Some parents have also gotten in the way of
their sons and daughters relationship to their mates.
Some of these
problems can be worked out if on one side children realize experience of
parents can help prevent them from making some big mistakes and get their
permission and advice and blessing, but some parents will never think anyone is
good enough for their child and interfere in ways that will never be healthy.
The apron strings must be cut. They have under God developed their own home and
as parents we love and support and guide the best we can, but mostly we give
them up to the Lord with our blessing and with our permission.
There was a
marriage I was asked to do with a young couple and there was strong parental
objection. I cautioned the couple and tried to do my job of showing them the
reality of in-law relationship. There would have enough struggles as it was,
and didn’t need that one. They chose to postpone their marriage until some of
those problems could be worked out.
Here Laban her brother and Bethuel
her father rejoiced in hearing about Abraham their relative and how God had led
them. They were believers as well. They worshiped the Lord. It used to be the
old school when the man would ask permission of the father for his daughters
hand in marriage. Some people cringe at that today in our culture. But there is
also something affirming when there is good relationship between the families
and the I-laws. If there is concern it is better to find out why and let those
with love and experience help in making such important decisions.
Notice vs. 55 they gave permission
but also it is hard to say goodbye to their daughter and sister, so they asked
that the girl can remain, but the servant was anxious to go. Rebekah was
willing. V. 60 shows the blessing of the permission.
If those
whom love you are behind the marriage it has a much better chance of succeeding.
That is true in India. The parents have the best in mind for their children
usually. And in such circumstances there is desire to see their children happy.
This was the situation before them. It also took trust since Rebekah had not
seen Isaac yet only she heard about him.
Seeking
advice of other mature Christians is an important part of seeking God’s will.
Getting advice will often times let you see options you might not have thought
of before. To see the will of God listen to the others question and concerns
and let them ask and reflect with you. Those who are the close to you and love
you the most will give your straight advice. And when the time comes to marry
as much as it is possible, do what you can to make relationship with the in
laws the best they can be.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Sat Aug 18 Pledge
Verses Gen 24: 57 Then
they said, “Let’s call the girl and ask her about it.” 58 So
they called Rebekah and asked her, “Will you go with this man?”
“I will go,” she said.
59 So they sent their sister Rebekah
on her way, along with her nurse and Abraham’s servant and his men. 60 And
they blessedRebekah and said to her,
“Our sister, may you increase
to thousands upon thousands;
may your offspring possess
the gates of their enemies.”
to thousands upon thousands;
may your offspring possess
the gates of their enemies.”
61 Then Rebekah and her maids got
ready and mounted their camels and went back with the man. So the servant took
Rebekah and left.
62 Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai
Roi, for he was living in the Negev. 63 He
went out to the field one evening to meditate,and as he looked up, he saw
camels approaching. 64 Rebekah also looked up and
saw Isaac. She got down from her camel 65 and asked
the servant, “Who is that man in the field coming to meet us?”
“He is my master,” the servant answered. So she took her
veil and covered herself.
66 Then the servant told Isaac all he
had done. 67 Isaac brought her into the tent of
his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah.So she became his wife, and he
loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.
The Right Pledge
Before Abraham’s servant completed
the negotiation for Rebekah to be Isaac’s wife there was consultation with the
girl and we will see how Isaac responds to the mate provided. In India I asked,
what if the girl or boy says no. Then almost always they have the final say.
But when the pledge is made it is honored.
I would like to say when you seek
the will of God and there is clear directions that it is of God go with that
decision and make the very best of that decision. There is no circumstance on
this earth that is without problems and struggles. I see that with some of my
pastor friends when moving to a new church. They pray about going to a certain church;
the church prays about finding a pastor; they believe God directs them and then
there are some problems. They immediately think, “Oh, we must have made some
mistake. We must not have been in God’s will.” I don’t believe that. Yes. It
may be a chance for growth and maturity and learning important lessons, but if
you make that pledge then make the best of it relying on God’s power to see it
through.
Just like there are no perfect
pastors and perfect churches, no perfect parents, no perfect children, no
perfect husbands and no perfect wives, there are pledges we keep and promises
we make to make such relationships godly and good. It is that commitment that
God does his best work.
Rebekkah said yes; Isaac said yes.
All were in agreement to the pledge. Now live up to that pledge. Do you notice
that love came last, not first, in this chapter? Isaac learned to love his wife
in time. Love came after marriage, not before it. That leads me to a principle
which many Christian counselors often stress: Romantic love is never the basis
for marriage. Marriage is the basis for romantic love.
Verse 66 may seem incidental, but I
think it reports a very essential step in the process of seeking a wife for
Isaac. Abraham was convinced that Isaac needed a wife like Rebekah. The
servant, too, was assured that Rebekah was the one for Isaac and had succeeded
in convincing her family of this fact. However, let us not overlook the fact
that Isaac, too, needed to be assured that Rebekah was the woman God had
provided for him.
Much is compressed into the final
verse of this chapter. Isaac took Rebekah into his mother’s tent, and she
became his wife. His love for her blossomed and continued to grow. His marriage
gave Isaac consolation for the death of his mother.
Perhaps no Old Testament passage
illustrates the guiding hand of God as well as this portion in the book of
Genesis. The importance of seeking Priorities of Gods’ will through the Word,
through prayer, through the leading of an angel or if you will in the New
Testament the leading of the Holy Spirit, through wisdom (that was the
personality issue in marriage) through advice and counsel and permission of
others, and lastly in keeping the pledge and going with the decision in the power
and peace of God.
Pastor Dale
