Jacob's Marriage Genesis 29

Sermon Nuggets Mon Sept 17                                          

Gen 29

Double Wedding

           

            Whenever we read the Bible, and especially the Old Testament, we must always remember that behavior that is recorded is not the same thing as behavior which is approved. Just because the Bible records that people lied, stole, and had numerous wives doesn't mean that God approves of such things. The Bible is an accurate record of what happened in the lives of real people, including their mistakes and foolish choices.

We know that Jacob left his home for two reasons. First to flee from his brother, Esau, who was intent on killing him because he stole not only his birthright, but his blessing. And secondly, Jacob left home with the instructions of his parents to find a wife from the family of his mother in order to start descendents for the promised line as revealed by God. He met with God along the way and received the promise directly just as Abraham and Isaac did. He made a commitment to God.

            After Jacob arrived in the region of his Mother’s family he asked some shepherds if anyone heard about this family. Providentially by God’s direction not only have they heard about this family, here comes the daughter of Laban whose name is Rachael and she is also a shepherdess.

            Jacob gets one look at his cousin and he falls in love. He moves the rock from the well and waters her sheep. He reveals his relationship with her. Rachael runs home to tell her family. Her father is excited about the news some 75 years later about his sister and brings his nephew into their home as long lost family.

            After about a month after Jacob is living and working for his Uncle. Uncle Laban asks Jacob what he wants for wages. He is in love with Rachel and wants to marry her.

            I wonder if Laban remembered when the servant of Abraham came to take his sister away. She left after just a week and never saw her again. He probably didn’t want to lose her. But how much would she be worth? Isn’t that great when fathers can negotiate a financial settlement with the groom on the price of a bride? What would that do for the self esteem of the bride? There is no mention that she had much say in the negotiation, but the deal is done and they are engaged for seven years.

            That’s a bit different that even today when people can’t seem to wait before they get married. I have counseled couples who wanted to get an education after high school but are afraid that their boyfriend or girlfriend won’t wait that long. I remind them of the love commitment that Jacob had for Rachel where says because he loved her time flew by. Does your love have persistence to it that you can wait?

When 7 years past Jacob can’t wait any longer. He has been pure. She is a virgin. Now is the time to marry according to the contract. He has done his job and proved faithful and committed. So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a wedding feast. But when evening came, he took his older daughter Leah who had poor eyes, and gave her to Jacob. The bride is veiled, the time is at night. They go into the wedding tent, the bridal chamber and consummate the marriage.

But what a shock when the veil was removed and it was daylight in the tent and Jacob discovers that his bride is the older sister, Leah. Can you imagine what dialogue there was between the son-in-law and father-in-law? "What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel? Why have you deceived me?"

But here the deceiver, namely Jacob, was deceived at his own game. He wanted one thing and it was stolen from him. He was married to the wrong woman. Laban was acting out of order, knowing full well that Jacob would not agree to his older daughter he tricked him into marrying her since that was the custom of marrying children in their birth order, just like it is in India.

Laban tells Jacob that he can have Rachel as promised, after the bridal week is over, but he has to work for another 7 years. Because Jacob loved Rachel this is something he agreed to, so within one week he had a double wedding. Two sisters married the same man. But it doesn’t take anyone by surprise to realize there were problems with this arrangement right from the beginning.

            Jacob loved Rachel he did not love Leah. She was forced into a situation because apparently people didn’t want her for a wife maybe because of her poor eyes, and next to her sister was not attractive. She felt rejection and even when she got a husband he was unwilling. Leah was resentful of her sister and her sister resentful of her.

            God knew what he was doing when he said from the very beginning, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall  become one.” There is a spiritual oneness designed by God with one husband and one wife that is God’s plan for marriage.  So even before the Law there was the Godly principle set down. People were more influenced by the culture than faith.

            Laban is behaving in exactly this fashion however in that culture. Interestingly enough it really wasn’t until the last 150 or so years that our culture began to marry for love. Marriages used to be arranged and based on compatibility. One author I read stated that “We live in an age that over values romantic love”. It has also been noted and I quote “Men and women who in earlier centuries were married, now remain unmarried and unhappy in a society that considers romantic love the only proper basis for marriage”

           

When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb and she had four sons. Each time she thought this was a blessing of God and would she would be loved by her husband. All this time Rachel was barren.

Pastor Dale

Sermon Nuggets Tues Sept 18 

Gen 29: 16 Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah had weakeyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. 18 Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”

19 Laban said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

²¹ Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.”

²² So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. ²³ But when evening came, he took his daughter Leahand gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. ²⁴ And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant.

²⁵ When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”

²⁶ Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. ²⁷ Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”

²⁸ And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. ²⁹ Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. ³⁰ Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.

           

From the Groom’s Perspective

There are some reflections as we look at Marriage from different perspectives.

            Although there may be many reasons for a man to get married, we know of at least three reasons Jacob wanted to get married. Sex, love, and kids. He went to this land to find a wife in order to fulfill the promise of God to have offspring to begin ancestry from which the promises of God would be made known to the world. But when he met his cousin he saw she was beautiful beyond words and fell in love with her. As soon as the seven years are up he doesn’t seem to mix words. Let me marry her they I may lie with her. Now’s the time for sexual relationship with my wife.

Is he in love with her solely based on her good looks? We are not sure. We know she’s good looking and we know he’s deeply in love with her.  Is this love at first sight? Or lust at first sight? Many times people begin their attraction physically. They are appealing to the member of the opposite sex. When I first laid my eyes on Judi she had her hair up in this large curlers and a scarf over her head. Fortunately we had future encounters which allowed me to see her in a different light!

Rachel is characterized only by her physical attractiveness. She was “beautiful of form and face” (verse 17). The author may be drawing our attention to this fact because it was the major source of attraction for Jacob. There seems to be, then, a significant contrast here between Rachel and Rebekah. Rebekah was selected for Isaac by Abraham’s servant on the basis of divine guidance and because of personal qualities which assured him that she would be a fine wife for Isaac. Rachel, on the other hand, was selected by Jacob for himself, but without any mention of her personal qualities, only a description of her beauty. Rebekah’s beauty was an additional plus, an unexpected fringe benefit; Rachel’s beauty was the essence of her selection. The red warning lights should already be flashing in our minds.

The point of verse 20 is that Rachel was well worth the high price which Jacob had agreed to pay for her—a price measured in years of service rather than dollars. The Bible says that Jacob worked those 7 years and that they went by fast to him-so in love with her that the effort he had to put out to get her hand in marriage seemed like nothing. The effort wasn’t considered great for the reward, the goal, the woman of his dreams was what he kept his sights upon.

It’s been a 7 year engagement for he calls her “my wife”. In that day and in Jesus’ day one’s engagement was considered to be as binding as marriage itself. It was a serious thing to be engaged. Legally bound to one another. Remember that Joseph spoke of quietly divorcing Mary even though they not yet officially married.

 He’s eager to have sexual relations with her. They have not had pre-marital sex. They had remained sexually pure during those 7 years of engagement. The Bible restricts sexual activity to marriage. The Bible exhorts to purity and holiness in all of our relationships. It recognizes the power of sexual desire and yet we are told to master our desires. I know that the majority of dating and engaged couples in today’s society are involved with each other sexually in ways that the Bible says must be reserved for marriage. Jacob, for all his character flaws respected Rachel when it came to physical things. He saved himself for marriage.

God has planned sex as something good and enjoyable which God has made and reserved for the marriage bed. Don’t give away your purity. Save yourself for the one you marry. Also when and if you are dating be on guard against what is known as gradualism. Gradualism is a slippery slope. First you start out holding hands, then kissing, then comes petting and then heavy petting and then before a couple knows it they’ve gone all the way. As a single person you need to set physical limits in your mind even before you start dating and you need to be resolved and firm on that. You need to commit yourself to the Lord to be the sexually pure person God wants you to be.

Love is a commitment. If you really love someone you will wait until the time is right. Now I am not necessarily recommending that people wait seven years, unless circumstances call for waiting, but the longer the engagements the more you experience challenges of life that let you reflect on the strength of a relationship. But the more a couple is together the greater the strain of wanting to be more intimate before it’s time so 1 Cor 7 comes into play in those decisions as well. It is better for a couple to marry than burn with passion.

Pastor Dale

Sermon Nuggets Weds Sept 19 

Gen 29

¹³ As soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister’s son, he hurried to meet him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things. ¹⁴ Then Laban said to him, “You are my own flesh and blood.”

After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month, ¹⁵ Laban said to him, “Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.”

¹⁶ Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. ¹⁷ Leah had weakeyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. ¹⁸ Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”

¹⁹ Laban said, “It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.” ²⁰ So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

²¹ Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to lie with her.”

²² So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. ²³ But when evening came, he took his daughter Leahand gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. ²⁴ And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant.

²⁵ When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”

²⁶ Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. ²⁷ Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”

²⁸ And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. ²⁹ Laban gave his servant girl Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maidservant. ³⁰ Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.

From the Father-in-laws perspective

Marriage for Laban was his consideration of finding a husband for his daughters who will treat them well, be a good provider, be a good worker, and have a spiritual base. 

I believe initially there is also a spiritual element that was important for Laban.

When he first heard about Abraham and the promise given to Isaac, when he heard the servant tell how God had led him to his sister Rebekah, he acknowledged this was from God and blessed her in her leaving. Now he hears how Jacob met with the Lord, has the birthright and the promise of God and that too is important for his daughters. Parents want what they think is best for their kids and faith is an important characteristic in future spouses.

When the time of marriage came however, Laban’s responsibilities as a father overshadowed doing what was right. The end result was that Laban married off both his daughters and got 14 years of labor from Jacob. He was taking advantage of Jacobs love for his daughter.  Greed also got the best of him. It seems he was more concerned about his own motives at this point than those of his daughters. He was more concerned of the customs of his day that keeping his word, or earning trust. 

Laban corrupts Jacob morally. Polygamy wasn’t God’s original design. Two sisters in the same man’s bed wasn’t God’s design. Yet Jacob goes along with it which says something about his character too. He completes the wedding week with Leah and then the week after takes Rachel on as his wife. The end result is a big mess! Jacob ends up with 2 wives. One he doesn’t love or want, and the other he favors. That does not make for a very good marriage or family relationship.

 Incidentally the text tells us that as a wedding gift Laban gives both Leah and Rachel a servant girl.  This becomes important later.

            The irony of this is that what goes around comes around. Jacob was a deceiver taking the birthright from his eldest brother. Now Jacob was forced to learn that the right of the firstborn must be respected within that culture. Jacob wore a disguise pretending to his brother to get the blessing, now Leah wears the wedding veil to conceal her identify imposing as her sister for the marriage blessing.

            Laban is not one we would want to use as an example. But it is possible that you are a person who use people and cherish things, other than the other way around. It's possible that you have been unfeeling in your dealings with others. Friend, follow the course of Laban's life. He eventually loses his daughters, his grandchildren, and much of his wealth.

You have to think that one day Laban woke up and realized that he had squandered the good things of life away by his actions. I can't help but think that he died a lonely and broken man. His riches would be empty without the love of family and walking in integrity with the Lord. Although Laban had appreciation for the God of Abraham, he also had other idols around as we will see later.

He is to be commended for his desire to have his daughters cared for, but using his son-in-law for his own advantages makes for unhealthy in law relationships.

Pastor Dale

Sermon Nuggets Thurs Sept 20 

Gen 29

¹⁶ Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. ¹⁷ Leah had weakeyes, but Rachel was lovely in form, and beautiful. ¹⁸ Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, “I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.”

    ²² So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. ²³ But when evening came, he took his daughter Leahand gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her. ²⁴ And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant.

²⁵ When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?”

²⁶ Laban replied, “It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. ²⁷ Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.”

 ³⁰ Jacob lay with Rachel also, and he loved Rachel more than Leah.

³¹ When the Lord saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. ³² Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.”

³³ She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.

³⁴ Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me,because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.

³⁵ She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the Lord.” So she named him Judah.Then she stopped having children.

From the Brides' Perspective

           

Few women have been so misunderstood as Leah. Even her name does her a great disservice, for it means “wild cow.” The statement that she had “weak eyes” (verse 17) seems to many to portray Leah as a homely girl with pop-bottle glasses, who cannot see. .

The Bible doesn’t go into the detail regarding the part the she plays in the deception since it was her father’s idea. She could have protested and let the secret out before he said “I do”. I think she might have been a willing accompanist. Perhaps her lack of beauty, which is implied not stated, made it difficult to find a husband so now was her chance to have a man by hook or crook.

            Are there other marriages that are done with pretense instead of openness in our day? I am aware of manipulation and secrets that are kept on the part of husband and wives in certain incidents before marriage. I am aware of some brides thinking they will never get married and that fear drives them to pretend they are something they are not until after the wedding when truth always comes out. I know of men who don’t think they can get a bride so will lie to deceive their mate or not tell whole story until later.

           

I knew a girl in our youth group at my home church in Detroit who felt that she could never find a boyfriend. When one dated her she really dolled up for him. She lost weight, got contacts, used make up and womanly charms to win him over, but after the marriage never saw her with contacts again, doubled her weight and seldom used make up. I left the area but discovered later they were divorced and she was left alone. If he married only for physical reasons both guys and girls will be in for a big surprise. I think however the lady was pretending to be something she wasn’t and the outward covering was a symptom of an inward need what she also hid from her spouse.

            But try to put yourself in Leah’s shoes after the wedding. Jacob's rejection had to hurt. No one likes rejection no matter what culture you are living in. How would you feel if after your week-long honeymoon your husband married someone else -your sister? You yearn for someone to love you and maybe you are tempted to do anything to find that love. Again, don't compromise your standards. The world may not see your beauty yet but God does. He has made you to be a uniquely gifted person that He will use in a wonderful way. If you feel you have nothing to offer, it is because you are not looking through the eyes of the Lord.

The Lord had compassion on Leah because she was discriminated against and unloved by her husband. She was second fiddle. God opened her womb, a special honor for women in that society and blessed her with sons. God knows our hurts and our feelings and understands rejection. He will never forget us. 

I want to say a word first about Rachel. Imagine being Rachel and being able to say with pride and admiration “Look what my man is doing to show how much he loves me. Look at that man. That man loves me. Don’t you all wish someone would be able to say that about you? I know they love me. Just look at their sacrifice for me. Look at what they are doing for me.”

Few things are as important to women today as beauty. This beauty thing is way overplayed even in our society. Rachel was a wonderfully-endowed woman. There is nothing wrong with that. Sarah was beautiful, and so was Rebekah. But outward beauty must always be a secondary consideration. Jacob looked at Rachel’s exterior and investigated no further into her character. The writer, King Lemuel, was not in error when he gave this counsel: Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised (Proverbs 31:30).

Men and boys, this is a word for us. We all want to be seen with the beautiful girls. We all have dreamed of dating them. Some have made great sacrifices to marry a showpiece. Let us look first for character, and if we find it, let us look no further. If we find character with charm and beauty, let us consider ourselves fortunate.

Ladies, I realize that our society has placed a premium on glamour and beauty. I understand that much of your sense of self-worth is based upon your outward attractiveness and “sex appeal.” However, that is wrong. Our ultimate worth is that estimation which comes from God. God was not impressed with Rachel’s good looks. After all, He gave that to her in the first place. God looked upon the heart and blessed Leah. Her worth, while never fully realized by her husband, was great in the eyes of God. May all of us learn to be content with ourselves as God made us, and may we find our real worth in the realm of the spirit 

Pastor Dale

Sermon Nuggets Fri Sept 21

 Gods’ Perspective

Marriage is to be in obedience to God to reflect his glory and be used to honor him and serve others and carry out his purposes in our lives. Can he do that better if you are married or single? It was God’s will for Jacob to be married. It wasn’t God’s will to marry two women, but the grace of God was made evident even in the circumstances of ignorance and disobedience. God will work out good and carry out his will and will set us up again on the right path if we let Him.

God’s purposes are going to be accomplished in spite of the messes we make in life. You and I may blow it big time but God’s not done with us and He’s still able and will accomplish the immutable purposes he has for our lives.

Mark this down. Marriage doesn’t solve problems. It can only reveal and intensify them. It is not to be used to escape problems at home or in your personal life. The person that Jacob married literally was not the person he intended to marry. Can’t we all say that about our spouses? We joke and say, It doesn’t make any difference who you marry on your wedding day it is a different person a few months later. None of us marry our dreams. We marry reality and the person is always different than what we imagined in our dreams. So then we learn to live with the reality by the grace of God.

In nearly every relationship, husbands and wives experience a period of unfulfilled expectations. God often works in our lives not by giving us the perfect environment, but by demonstrating his grace, love, and power in our imperfect situations.

God did not bring these events to pass to punish Jacob but to instruct him. Punishment has been born by our Savior on the cross, but discipline is the corrective training which furthers us on the path leading to godliness (cf. Hebrews 12).

In addition to all this, Jacob experienced the grace of God in the delay of 14 plus years. It was this delay which contributed to the preservation of Jacob’s life by keeping him away from the anger of Esau, who had purposed to kill him.

Amazingly, the grace of God was manifested in this event by the gift of Leah as a wife to Jacob. Leah was Jacobs first wife. It was Leah, not Rachel, who became the mother of Judah, who was to be the heir through whom the Messiah would come. Also it was Levi, a son of Leah, who provided the priestly line in later years.

God comes to Leah's defense. The Lord is the defender of the broken-hearted. Certainly as a result of this a relationship did seem to develop between Jacob and Leah. He may not have loved her the most, but he did seem to love her.

God is Holy but His followers are not. We have read this morning of people who made mistakes. Yet, these are people God chose and used to bring about our salvation.

Do you see why this is significant? Some of you may have been putting off following Jesus because of the hypocrisy of some of claim his name? You have misunderstood the gospel It's God who is holy not his followers. Yes, there are many who claim to love Christ who show no resemblance to the Savior at all. Friend, there will always be that in the church. Look to Jesus!

You may have written others off because they do not "measure up". Friend, be careful. Jesus tells us that the measure we use in judging others will be the measure that is applied to you. Can you life up to the standards that you hold others to?  Some of you are desperately discouraged because your life does not measure up to what you wish it would be. You need to remember that being holy is something granted to us by faith in Christ. Then we grow in incorporated the works of God in our lifetime. Be confident of God  be patient with yourself. The process of growth should be steady  Don't get discouraged and give up. When you stumble, get up, confess your sin and begin again.

The wonder of this story is that it points us to Jesus. The whole purpose of our Savior's coming and His substitutionary death was to pay for our rebellion. We are all in desperate need of a Savior simply because God is holy and we are not. He requires perfection . . . we don't come close to meeting his standard. We need someone to rescue us. That someone is Jesus. His death on the cross was to pay the price of our sin.

The wonder of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is this: God knows what we are like. He knows the duplicity in our hearts and the rebellion that often governs our lives. And knowing this . . . knowing what we were really like . . . He still sent Christ for us. We deserve to spend eternity facing the horror of Hell. That's what we deserve! But Christ came to offer us a way out.  He offered to take our place; to suffer our penalty; to make us new. He comes to us in our foolishness and rebellion and offers us a chance to start again. You see, If God loved Jacob, Rachel, and Leah . . .God can and will love you. The question is: will you receive that love?

Pastor Dale