Options in Conflict Genesis 31

Sermon Nuggets Mon Oct 1 

Gen 31:1 Jacob heard that Laban’s sons were saying, “Jacob has taken everything our father owned and has gained all this wealth from what belonged to our father.” ² And Jacob noticed that Laban’s attitude toward him was not what it had been.

Options in Conflict                            

            Conflict is inevitable. People who work together, go to school together, live in apartments or neighborhoods near other, and in families will sooner or later find conflict. There will be differences of opinions. There may be irritations over animals, garbage, or noise. People might just be plain jealous and that can cause for conflict.

           

I think the hardest conflicts come among church people. We should know how to resolve differences better because of the Biblical principles and the Holy Spirit. However, when it comes to more issues than doctrine and interpretation it is a sad commentary on the church for centuries of fighting among denominations, and sadder still for the history of church splits. Pastors are sometimes fired for minor differences of opinions with a powerful church member. People find it easier to leave a church than work through issues over which they may not agree. Some reason, why deal with tension when you don’t have to? But sooner or later you will be in conflict with someone.

            Someone said you can pick your friends and pick your nose, but you cannot pick your family. It’s true. Of course we know about the sibling rivalry between Jacob and Esau. We know of the marital conflict between Isaac and Rekebah. There is racial conflict between Jews and Gentiles. Some of the most difficult conflict comes between in-laws.

Benjamin Franklin said relatives and fish both start to stink after 3 days. I don’t know how Jacob and Laban, son in law and father in law, could last 20 years together. I know that in that culture it was not uncommon for extended families to live and work together. But when Jacob became prosperous it no longer worked. Jealousy with the in-laws showed it’s ugly head. Jacob wanted his freedom. He didn’t want to be under the obligation of his father-in-law anymore. He wanted freedom. He wanted independence.

How we deal with conflict is not just a personal matter. It can affect many people and relatives.

As we talk about options in conflict this week, pray about a situation that you might be facing at home, work, church or school. What would God have you do to honor Him? How might you prayerfully proceed?

Pastor Dale

Sermon Nuggets Tues Oct 2 

Gen 31: ³ Then the Lord said to Jacob, “Go back to the land of your fathers and to your relatives, and I will be with you.”

⁴ So Jacob sent word to Rachel and Leah to come out to the fields where his flocks were. ⁵ He said to them, “I see that your father’s attitude toward me is not what it was before, but the God of my father has been with me. ⁶ You know that I’ve worked for your father with all my strength, ⁷ yet your father has cheated me by changing my wages ten times. However, God has not allowed him to harm me. ⁸ If he said, ‘The speckled ones will be your wages,’ then all the flocks gave birth to speckled young; and if he said, ‘The streaked ones will be your wages,’ then all the flocks bore streaked young. ⁹ So God has taken away your father’s livestock and has given them to me.

¹⁰ “In breeding season I once had a dream in which I looked up and saw that the male goats mating with the flock were streaked, speckled or spotted. ¹¹ The angel of God said to me in the dream, ‘Jacob.’ I answered, ‘Here I am.’ ¹² And he said, ‘Look up and see that all the male goats mating with the flock are streaked, speckled or spotted, for I have seen all that Laban has been doing to you. ¹³ I am the God of Bethel, where you anointed a pillar and where you made a vow to me. Now leave this land at once and go back to your native land.’”

¹⁴ Then Rachel and Leah replied, “Do we still have any share in the inheritance of our father’s estate? ¹⁵ Does he not regard us as foreigners? Not only has he sold us, but he has used up what was paid for us. ¹⁶ Surely all the wealth that God took away from our father belongs to us and our children. So do whatever God has told you.”

¹⁷ Then Jacob put his children and his wives on camels, ¹⁸ and he drove all his livestock ahead of him, along with all the goods he had accumulated in Paddan Aram, to go to his father Isaac in the land of Canaan.

¹⁹ When Laban had gone to shear his sheep, Rachel stole her father’s household gods. ²⁰ Moreover, Jacob deceived Laban the Aramean by not telling him he was running away. ²¹ So he fled with all he had, and crossing the River, he headed for the hill country of Gilead.

An Option to Leave

           

            Some people refuse to fight. They run. Some with conflict in marriages chose divorce, Conflict at work, they quit, conflict in neighborhoods they move.

            There were several factors which made Jacob consider the option of leaving to resolve the conflict. First, His brothers-in-law were complaining that he had become so wealthy at their fathers expenses. The more Jacob acquired, the less their inheritance. Jacob was upset that Laban had cheated him by changing his wages 10 times, but God had stepped in and made Jacob prosperous. All the doors were open.

Laban also was looking upon Jacob in a different way. When he was making money for Laban everything was fine. But when Jacob was making money for himself then friction grew. We see that Leah and Rachel were finally going to agree on something. They both felt their father had cheated them. They knew their future security would come from Jacob.

            But overriding this decision was the fact it was God’s will. Circumstances sometimes may seem to lead us to a certain course, but how many times do we pray about Gods’ leading in our moves and in our travels?  God promised to accompany Jacob with His protection. So in order to resolve their conflict it was decided that now is the time to leave. He would quit his job and move on with his family to the place of God’s promise.

           

It does not appear to be accidental that he departed at a time when Laban was busily occupied in shearing his flock. Leaving without any warning, Jacob reasoned, was the way to depart without any resistance from Laban, who might have refused to release Jacob’s wives or his flocks.

I think one of the hardest things many people face is determining Gods’ will  when it comes to such issues as leaving, moving, finding a new job, getting married, going to college. But take your vows to the Lord seriously, like marriage. In most cases it is God’s will to work on the relationship and commit to your spouse and not leave.

           

There are times when it is in God’s will for us to leave, move or resign. It may not be in conflict situations either. We know God’s will as a young person to stay under the home of our parents until school graduation, but when that freedom comes following the senior year to work, to stay at home, to go to school, to get married, go to college, or travel many serious about their faith will pray and pray and then express confusion and anxiety that they may not be in God’s will because there is not clear direction or peace.

           

Some of our decisions, though important, are taken as if we make the wrong turn we will be forever outside of God’s will and therefore blessing. I think to help determine Gods direction for decisions such as this include these four elements. First what is it that frustrates you about staying? There are always things that will frustrate you about staying. Bosses, friends, neighbors, pastors, church, all get under our skin after awhile. Is this an increasing anxiety or a passing mood? If you are not being treated fairly by an employer and the matter with discussions does not correct itself, aren't you glad that we live in a land and in an age where we can make the decision to leave and find different employment? Don’t make hasty decisions, but I don’t’ think 20 years working for the same unfair boss is hasty. In fact, being his father in law will bring added sense of stress, just as working with your family can be a delight, but can add to stress because of the complexities of the relationships that affect wives, husbands, parents, grand-kids, brothers and sisters in law, cousins and so forth.

           

Another point of decision is consider what is positive about the move. What attracted you to new change? Is it home? Is it love for family? Is it job opportunity? Is it advancement that you think is right with your interests and gifts? Does it excite you in positive ways? That is an important opened door. Don’t ask if it is only money, or short term gains, but does it seem right and positive. I know many pastors and churches that look for change because they don’t’ like what they have instead of getting positive of what they see as exciting possibilities for the future.

            There is a third consideration when moving and that is family unity. You can bet that if all the family agrees there is something of a miracle in and of itself. I know some moves are outside our control, A company may fire, or move someone against their will, and the kids and spouses may not want to move, but in time one has to face the family discussion and take into consideration each one’s feelings and inputs and pray that if it is of the Lord there would be cooperation if not agreement from everyone.

           

But ultimately there is the God factor which can be very clear or very unclear. If it is clear there is no problem with the decisions, but if it is unclear then after you have prayer and are sincere about being willing to go however God leads, then do what seems right for you now and God will direct you differently if that is not meant to be. Learn from your mistakes and see others, and talk with them about your options so that you are not blind to obstacles along the way.

           

God’s will for Jacobs was clear and encouraging- Go back to the land of your fathers and relatives and I will be with you.    Determining Gods’ will involved a desires; circumstances, and direction. The last is waiting on God.  Many people instead of facing problems run from them.

           

Pastor Dale

Sermon Nuggets Weds Oct 3 

Gen 31: 22-32²² On the third day Laban was told that Jacob had fled. ²³ Taking his relatives with him, he pursued Jacob for seven days and caught up with him in the hill country of Gilead. ²⁴ Then God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream at night and said to him, “Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.”

²⁵ Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country of Gilead when Laban overtook him, and Laban and his relatives camped there too. ²⁶ Then Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done? You’ve deceived me, and you’ve carried off my daughters like captives in war. ²⁷ Why did you run off secretly and deceive me? Why didn’t you tell me, so I could send you away with joy and singing to the music of tambourines and harps? ²⁸ You didn’t even let me kiss my grandchildren and my daughters good-by. You have done a foolish thing. ²⁹ I have the power to harm you; but last night the God of your father said to me, ‘Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.’ ³⁰ Now you have gone off because you longed to return to your father’s house. But why did you stealmy gods?”

³¹ Jacob answered Laban, “I was afraid, because I thought you would take your daughters away from me by force. ³² But if you find anyone who has your gods, he shall not live. In the presence of our relatives, see for yourself whether there is anything of yours here with me; and if so, take it.” Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen the gods.

An Option to Confront

When some are in conflict they confront the situation. They may attack, they may rebuke, they may argue, but they face the problem head on.

Jacob prepared his departure secretly, because he knew Laban. Each time he tried to make a deal that is recorded for us Laban pulled a fast one on him. So he quietly moved the flocks far out in the direction to home. He called his wives out and shared his intentions with them. He told them their father’s attitude toward him had changed. He reviewed the details of his long and faithful service and many attempt of Laban to cheat him. He then explained the drama that God had showed him which came about regarding the stripped and spotted animals.

            . When the report came to Laban about Jacob fleeing he took his relatives and chased him for 7 days until he caught up with him in the hill country of Gilead. It was the intent of Laban to handle this conflict with confrontation. He was going to go and perhaps discipline him, over-power him, take away the possessions by force. He probably was going to read him the riot act, but we know from vs 24 God appeared to him  that night in a dream to warn him against harming Jacob. He was not to say anything to him either good or bad. 

            Angry people like to confront. There is a place when wrongs are committed to confront. So much of confrontation is done in anger and not in the right spirit. When I am angry I want to deal with my emotion and confronting the situation and don’t even want to pray because I think I am right and don’t want to be confused with the facts. Do you ever feel that way?

            Well God spoke to Laban about his attitude and it appeared he was going to do more than give Jacob a big tongue lashing. So when the next day appears he greets him with a more calm spirit, but still lets him know that he feels he has been wronged.

            Laban's speech is self-serving. First, he seems to give the wounded father routine. "Woe is me," he says, "you have taken off with all my loved ones, my daughters and my grandchildren. Why didn't you tell me you wanted to leave? I would have had a going-away party for you, with music and dancing. How could you be so hardhearted?"

Leah and Rachel, however, were wise to his tricks by now. They stared back impassively at their whining father. The women were well aware of the price Jacob paid to acquire them. Laban should properly have used that money to provide a nest egg for them and their children, but instead he spent it all on himself.

So Laban next becomes the threatening muscle man. "It is in my power to do you great harm," he boasts. Intimidation is one way to gain power in a conflict. That’s Laban way.  Now he is trying to say you should be afraid of me, this I can do to you, however, God had told me to keep his hands off of Jacob and his family.

Then Laban next takes on the guise of a victim: "Why ever did you steal my household gods?" he whines. What a manipulator!

At last, Jacob stands up to Laban and answers his uncle with openness and courage. He was unaware that anyone in his entourage had stolen anything from Laban, and welcomes his uncle to have a look around.

Well maybe Jacob is learning a bit how to confront the very man he most feared. We must realize that it was God who had given Jacob the courage to stand up to Laban. There are times when God wants us to be unpopular in order to confront evil, or stand for morality, or point out injustice. Jacob’s confronts the situation with what he understood the truth to be. He was not the least bit interested in the idols, unless it might have been to destroy them, so he allowed for his tent and possessions to be searched. Rachel had hidden them in her camel’s saddle and was sitting on it. Rachel apologized to her father for not getting up to pay him the respect due to her father, but stated that she couldn't because she was having her monthly period.”

            What Jacob did not know was that Rachel had stolen Laban’s gods just before they departed. Many speculations are made concerning Rachel's motives, but the reason best supported by the text and by archaeology is that Rachel stole the household gods in order to establish a future claim on Laban’s family inheritance. The household gods were a token of rightful claim to the possessions and the headship of the family. Rachel must have felt justified in stealing these gods and in expecting to share in the family inheritance. Rachel may well have had some ties in with pagan idol worship, like her father, but the fact that possession of them could strengthen ones claim to the inheritance According to commentary by Derek Kidner. If Jacob got away with his gods, he could someday return and make a claim to his estate.

Pastor Dale

Sermon Nuggets Thurs Oct 4 –

Gen 31: ³⁶ Jacob was angry and took Laban to task. “What is my crime?” he asked Laban. “What sin have I committed that you hunt me down? ³⁷ Now that you have searched through all my goods, what have you found that belongs to your household? Put it here in front of your relatives and mine, and let them judge between the two of us.

³⁸ “I have been with you for twenty years now. Your sheep and goats have not miscarried, nor have I eaten rams from your flocks.³⁹ I did not bring you animals torn by wild beasts; I bore the loss myself. And you demanded payment from me for whatever was stolen by day or night. ⁴⁰ This was my situation: The heat consumed me in the daytime and the cold at night, and sleep fled from my eyes. ⁴¹ It was like this for the twenty years I was in your household. I worked for you fourteen years for your two daughtersand six years for your flocks, and you changed my wages ten times. ⁴² If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had not been with me, you would surely have sent me away empty-handed. But God has seen my hardship and the toil of my hands, and last night he rebuked you.”

An Option to Explain

            In Matthew 18 when there is something between brothers in Christ, our Lord says go and talk with each other to explain things and ask forgiveness if needed. We often think we know the facts, but it is good to listen to both sides, and hear what each says.

Jacob now explained things from his point of view. I appreciate his honesty by saying he sneaked away because he was a afraid. What was he afraid of? If God assured him of his presence, But I’ve been there. I believe God is doing to do something, but get caught up in the circumstances and forget the promise.

            He was saying it as it was these past twenty years. He pointed out to him that Laban had gotten the better of the deal in every way . He ended his conversation by saying “If the God of my father the God of Abraham and the fear of Isaac, had not been for me, surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed.” He was not going to give any credit to Laban for his wealth, but in spite of Laban God honored Jacob with more flocks and finer servants.

When you are treated unfairly you can leave, you can confront or you can explain.

It was unfair that he had to work fourteen years for the wife he had agreed to work seven years for. It was unfair that Laban profited but Jacob did not share in the profit. It was unfair that Laban changed his wages a number of times after he agrees to give him the stripped, spotted and black lambs. Sometimes evil people prosper. Sometimes good people (relatively speaking) suffer. Some people try to do the right thing and are taken advantage of. Some are con artists yet hear the applause of the crowd. But we must never forget our concept of fair and God's are different. God sees the big picture He is good.

In that movie The Karate Kid Mr. Miyagi is asked to teach Daniel karate. Daniel has been the victim of the bullies in the neighborhood. He wants revenge so he is eager to learn. So, in their first lesson Mr. Miyagi has Daniel paint the fence. The next lesson he has him wax his car ("wax on, wax off"). Daniel gets frustrated. While others are learning kicks and jabs, Daniel has painted a fence, waxed a car, swept a floor and tried to catch a fly with chop sticks. Daniel feels that he is being cheated. It's not fair! He says. But Mr. Miyagi had a plan. He was teaching Daniel basic Karate moves by these exercises and was teaching him to concentrate. He was learning and didn't even know it. And as Hollywood would have it, Daniel comes out the champion and wins the karate fight.

            I wonder if sometimes we face situations like Daniel. We may feel that God has turned a deaf ear to us. We cry for justice and God tells us to "paint a fence". "It's not fair!" we say. But, remember my friend, don't draw conclusions until the story is over. Your pain and frustration comes from your inability to see the big picture. In those "unfair" times we must trust that the hand of God is working in unseen ways for our ultimate good. Jacob may have felt like he was being treated unfairly . . .but God was shaping him.

            Notice Jacob's defense: He did nothing wrong. Jacob was the model worker. He took care of the sheep; he absorbed losses; he withstood terrible weather. Notice Laban does not disagree with Jacob. His son in law agreed to serve for seven years, and did so. He agreed to serve another seven and did. He said he would only take the spotted, stripped and black of the flock and a quick look at the flock would tell you that this is what he had done and no more. Most employers cannot say that of their companies. Thievery on the job is a major problem. Many workers participate in unethical behavior. Or bosses that learn to cutting corners on quality control, or cover up incidents lied to or deceived customers.

Ted Engstrom has said, "Integrity is not only the way one thinks but even more the way one acts. Simply put, integrity is doing what you said you would do. It is as basic as keeping your word, fulfilling your promises."

            Having gotten his years of frustration off his chest, Jacob explained that it wasn’t because of any favors from Laban, but rather God blessed him. God had seen his affliction, it was true  but Jacob added his part, the toil of my hands. The warning which God had issued to Laban  previously was proof to Jacob that God was on his side. .

Laban was a covetous man who knew about God in the life of Jacob and before that, in the witness of the servant of Abraham when his sister when back to marry Isaac. He enjoyed many of the blessing of God but continued in idolatry and covetousness seeking material things. He left with nothing.

Pastor Dale

Sermon Nuggets Fri Oct 5 – 

Gen 31: ⁴³ Laban answered Jacob, “The women are my daughters, the children are my children, and the flocks are my flocks. All you see is mine. Yet what can I do today about these daughters of mine, or about the children they have borne? ⁴⁴ Come now, let’s make a covenant, you and I, and let it serve as a witness between us.”

⁴⁵ So Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar. ⁴⁶ He said to his relatives, “Gather some stones.” So they took stones and piled them in a heap, and they ate there by the heap. ⁴⁷ Laban called it Jegar Sahadutha, and Jacob called it Galeed.

⁴⁸ Laban said, “This heap is a witness between you and me today.” That is why it was called Galeed. ⁴⁹ It was also called Mizpah,because he said, “May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other. ⁵⁰ If you mistreat my daughters or if you take any wives besides my daughters, even though no one is with us, remember that God is a witnessbetween you and me.”

⁵¹ Laban also said to Jacob, “Here is this heap, and here is this pillar I have set up between you and me. ⁵² This heap is a witness, and this pillar is a witness, that I will not go past this heap to your side to harm you and that you will not go past this heap and pillar to my side to harm me. ⁵³ May the God of Abraham and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us.”

So Jacob took an oath in the name of the Fear of his father Isaac. ⁵⁴ He offered a sacrifice there in the hill country and invited his relatives to a meal. After they had eaten, they spent the night there.

⁵⁵ Early the next morning Laban kissed his grandchildren and his daughters and blessed them. Then he left and returned home.

An Option for Peace.

            Laban didn't back down from his claims of ownership over his daughters, grandchildren and flocks, but he did recognize that his daughters did have a right to go with their husband if they wished to do so. He comes up with a peace plan. It involves God and witnesses and agreements for a covenant.

            Basically, people are only as good as their word. If they take God seriously then any vow before the Lord would be binding. Laban proposed that they make a covenant between them solemnized by an offering , a sacrifice, and sharing of a meal together. This was a pact before God to come to a conclusion and sign it before God.

            Part of the peace process was to have a boundary between them and Jacob set up a rock as a pillar. He had his men gather stones and pile them up. Each man give the mound a name in his own language. Laban the Armean called is Jegar sahadutha meaning the mound of a witness. While Jacob used the Hebrew Mizpah or watchtower because Laban said to Jacob May the Lord watch between us. This wasn't exactly wishing each other well as much as it is God be our judge of one or the other of you cross this border to do harm to the other, or steal anything. It was to mark their boundaries

            As Robert Frost said, “Good fences make good neighbors” Know your boundaries so you don’t overextend yourself when you are not wanted. Respect one another and their property and things will result in peace.

            It is a sad commentary, but many unbelievers are reluctant to do business with Christians. They know that while God may be with us, we do not always act godly. There is a difference between what is legal and what is moral. As followers of Jesus we need to realize that we are a witness to the world. We will make mistakes, but do we seek to correct them. A peace process involves forgiveness, confession, reconciliation, and restitution. Between Jacob and Laban they spoke openly their difference; left it to God.

            Laban managed to get Jacob to swear before his God to several particulars. First, Jacob promised never to mistreat Laban’s daughters and never to take any other wives in addition to them. Second, each covenanted that they would not pass that point to harm the other. Having agreed to these matters, Laban said a last farewell to his daughters and their children. Blessing them, he returned to his home (verse 55). The long and often stormy relationship between Laban and Jacob had come to an end.

What can we learn? First our hope is in the Lord.. That which the world can give us, that which we can obtain by our own ingenuity is so much less than what God offers to the one who is obedient. For instance, the promotion you could get if you "used your influence" is not near as satisfying as knowing you "fought the good fight, your finished the course, you kept the faith." The stuff you can amass by borrowing money is not near as satisfying as learning to be content in every circumstance. The appreciative eyes of the crowd at a well maintained body is not to be compared with the satisfaction and strength that comes from a soul that has been nurtured and developed. The applause of men cannot be compared with the "Well Done" of the Father. The renewed friendship after forgiveness is greater than the "sweet feeling of revenge" The satisfaction of giving to another far surpasses the satisfaction of being given to.

So, why do we push ahead? Why do we ignore God's counsel? Why don't we do it God's way and trust that He speaks with a wisdom that will astound and amaze us?

.          

Do you feel that you are underpaid, overworked and under appreciated? If so, I encourage you to ask: Who are you working for? What are you working for? Life isn't always fair . . .but God is trustworthy. In the midst of conflict trust in Him for whether it turns out as we hoped or not, God will know and vindicate us even in glory.

Pastor Dale