Sermon Nuggets Mon July 30
Death of a Spouse
Verses: Gen 23:1 Sarah lived to be a hundred and twenty-seven years old. 2 She died at Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan,
and Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep over her.
Death of a Spouse-
The story
is told of a couple that didn’t get along very well. They would fight and argue
every chance they had. Finally, the wife said, “Henry, all we every do is
fight. We never have a decent conversation any more. I am going to pray that
the Lord will take one of us home so we can have some peace. And when he does,
I’m going to move to Washington to be by my sister.”
One man
died who had been mean to his wife, and ornery to his kids. At the funeral the
preacher began to tell about how wonderful the deceased man was, until finally
the widow nudged one of her sons and said, “Go up to the casket and see whose
that preacher is talking about. We got the wrong funeral.”
When we
went to India I will admit the best meal I had as in the humble home of Dr.
Joseph who was a faculty member of a seminary. His daughter, about 20 years old
made it for us. He informed us that she was the woman of the house, since his
wife died about 15 years ago. He also has two sons who were at seminary. On his
wall hung a painting of his wife. He missed her dearly. Two years after her
death he remarried but his second wife soon died with cancer also, so he
concluded the Lord wanted him to be a single parent as he raised 3 children
into adulthood. His tears were a mixture of admiration for his daughter and
grief over his loss.
We know that when a loved one dies
life takes on a dramatic turn. Never is that more exemplified than when a
spouse dies. I have heard the comment made more than once that when you bury a
spouse, it is as if part of yourself is being put into the grave. One of our
church members wrote a card of thanks. “The cards and flowers were beautiful, the
memorials, visits, and hugs meant so much to us. I never thought I could accept
losing my partner for fifty great years and my best friend, but through your
prayers and support, I have felt lifted up and carried to a place of joy and
peace…Knowing he is in heaven, I can only be happy for him. God is so good! His
grace is sufficient for me!”
The
adjustment to the loss of someone so close as a loving spouse is the hardest
experience a person faces. In marriage the Bible describes the relationship as
“two become one.” That oneness ins many ways is broken and typically man
surviving spouses feel torn and empty. Many can look forward to the journey to
heaven especially when the earthly body is experiencing hardship, illness,
pain, or suffering. When a loved one passes older saints look forward to seeing
them again.
This week we will look at Abraham
putting his wife Sarah in the grave and look at different expressions at the
passing of a loved one.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Tues July 31 Expression of Grief
Verses: Gen 23:
1,2 Sarah lived to
be a hundred and twenty-seven years old. 2 She died at Kiriath Arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan,
and Abraham went to mourn for Sarah and to weep over her.
An Expression of Grief
Grief is an adjustment to loss. It is the
emotional, mental and physical reaction to losing someone or something very close
to you. One can experience grief when a loved one dies, but you can experience
grief when you move from a home, a son or daughter leaving for college, or
getting married. The loss of a job, or even the loss of a item that may be
stolen or broken that has sentimental value can produce feelings of grief.
Elizabeth
Kuber Ross, a noted physician who has done much study with terminal patients
and their families, noted there are five common experiences when one faces a
significant loss or terminal illness. After the initial stage of shock, it is
not uncommon to experience a period of denial. There is a closing off of
the news that you don’t want to hear or believe. It seems like an unreal dream.
It cannot be true. They don’t and won’t accept the fact that someone close has
died. They may go through the motions of a funeral service, but emotionally are
deadened to accept the fact and refuse to do anything different than before.
Some will keep clothes, dresses, and rooms exactly like they were before the
death as if somehow the person were coming back.
Another
stage might be bargaining. It can include making promises to God. “If
you heal me from Cancer I will serve you faithfully in church, or be a
minister.”
Or if someone dies a sort of bargaining is
going over and over in your mind what could be different to prevent the death.
You might hear the words expressed “If Only.” If only I did this, or he did
that. Blaming can be part of bargaining: blaming God, blaming a doctor, blaming
the driver of a car, or the speed of an ambulance or blaming the person himself
for not going to doctor sooner. “If only”. But the sad truth is, it doesn’t
change.
Anger-
can be a common emotional reaction sooner or later. You may be angry that you
cannot do anything to change the situation. One can experience anger at self or
others, or even the person who died. People
have emotions that they stuff inside and sometimes come out irritated at
circumstances, people or things that normally wouldn’t bother you. It is part
of grief.
I know of one pastor who told the
story to a group of us that he was at the gravesite and noted that many family
members felt anger and anguish toward this father. Some did not want to come to
the burial. Without knowing the history he stopped at the conclusion of the
prayer and said. “Now perhaps it is significant that when this body is buried
you bury with it some of your feelings of anger.” Tears started flowing and
stories started coming out of his abuse, and neglect as a father. They shared
memories and hurts that they long held. The pastor had a burial service for
those hurts. Symbolically they took dirt and put it on the grave symbolizing the
dirt they felt. They began to let it go and some healing began
.
Depression
is not uncommon when there is the sense of loss. One can feel self pity and
turn inward, not wanting to be part of normal life. Not feeling like doing
anything or talking to anyone that might bring life back to normal, because it
will never be normal.
Hopefully, acceptance
is also part of grief experience. Some never get to that point. It is the
stage when you realize the person is gone. You miss her, but you must go on
with life. Things do get better and it
is okay. It is part of coming to emotional grips with the loss when there may
be special times and lonely times, and sad times, but one sees that as being
part of the normal experience of life. One realizes others have gone on and
made it and they can too. Life begins to feel good again and it is okay to
laugh or have a good time and not feel guilty about it as if you shouldn’t be.
Talking helps a lot in the grief cycle. A burden bearer listens to the tears,
the memory of the stories, and most importantly loves. You can’t take the pain
away. Time and talking and expressions of grief are the best ways to healing.
Feelings
are normal. We can have a mixture of emotions after someone’s death. Talking
and expressing them begins the grieving process. Some wonder if they are going
crazy. If there is any a time to “fall apart” it would be at the time when
someone loses another they are close to. Remember at the place of Lazarus’
tomb, Jesus wept.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Weds Aug 1 –
Remembrance
Verses Gen 23: 3 Then Abraham rose
from beside his dead wife and spoke to the Hittites. He said, 4 “I am an alien
and a stranger among you. Sell me some property for a burial site here so I can
bury my dead. ”
An Expression of Remembrance
Why is it a custom to have an
obituary? What is purpose of a funeral service? How is it part of grief is
remembering of experiences of the loved one?
Abraham mourned, and wept and
grieved over the loss of Sarah his wife, who incidentally is the only woman
mentioned in the Bible that gives her age when she died. Mourning in that day
included the rending the clothes, beating the breasts and sprinkling ashes upon
the head. We do not know how long Abraham mourned, but at Jacob's death his
children mourned for seven days. Weeping is a personal response of a person
undergoing grief, loss, and disbelief.
Part of an expression of a funeral
or burial service is an opportunity to grief is a private and public way, which
helps with the healing. It is significant at the time of ones passing to have
an opportunity to think about the memories of an individual. We have memorials
placed around not only to honor, but to remember. The memorial in Hawaii
remembers the loss at Pearl Harbor and the USS Arizona remains there to
remember that tragedy. There is a memorial for 911 victims in NYC. Yesterday
was an anniversary of the death and injury to many who were victims of the
collapse of the I-35W Bridge in Minneapolis. We have seen people’s pictures
posted on the news who were shot and killed by James Holmes in Aurora, CO.
People in a funeral service, or in some tangible way, act out grief by
remembering the person.
For many it isn't only the
remembrance of a person, but an event or occasion. It might be to remember our
freedoms at a memorial day celebration. It might be to remember the beginning
of a nation at George Washington's memorial as he symbolized being the father
of the country. The tomb of the unknown soldier is not about a person, but many
people, unknown to us who served our country and gave of their lives for our
liberties.
Dear Abby gives this advice on how
to respond to those who are grieving: "How one handles grief is a personal
matter. Let the one who has suffered the loss take the lead. If he feels like
talking, encourage him to talk. If he prefers to sit in silence, don’t intrude
on his silence. Friends should call, bring food, offer to run errands, and do
what needs to be done. A hug, a squeeze of the hand, a look which says,
"I’m here, if you need me," conveys more than a thousand words.
There was a place Abraham could go to that he
owned and didn’t have to feel guilty or obligated. He could take care of it to
work out some of his grief. That tomb has been visited for generations that
followed remembering the work of God through Abraham and Sarah and the
beginning of the Jewish nation and the redemptive history of God’s intervention
with mankind for salvation.
There is something healing to have
a spot to go for memories and sharing of private thoughts. Living just outside
the cemetery I become aware of visitor who come and think about the family
member, or loved one who died. They sometimes offer a prayer and think about
the grace and goodness of God as they are flooded with personal memories of a
shared life. Recently people gathered around the spot where a neighbor was
buried and many told stories about him. Some of the stories were funny, some
were of his charity, others talked about his work and others about his hobbies.
It helps them to come to say goodbye to one who lived through history of life.
Even when someone is cremated and wants their
ashes placed over a lake, or mountain, I give the family permission to take
some of the ashes, and if it is important to them, to have a spot they can go
to for reflection and meditation.
Remembering is part of grieving.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Thurs Aug 2 Honor
Verses: Gen 23: 5 The
Hittites replied to Abraham, 6 “Sir, listen to us.
You are a mighty prince among us. Bury your dead in the choicest of our
tombs. None of us will refuse you his tomb for burying your dead.”
7 Then Abraham rose and bowed down
before the people of the land, the Hittites. 8 He
said to them, “If you are willing to let me bury my dead, then listen to me and
intercede with Ephron son of Zohar on my behalf 9 so
he will sell me the cave of Machpelah,which belongs to him and is at the end of
his field. Ask him to sell it to me for the full price as a burial site among
you.”
10 Ephron the Hittite was sitting
among his people and he replied to Abraham in the hearing of all the
Hittites who had come to the gate of his city. 11 “No,
my lord,” he said. “Listen to me; I give you the field, and I
give you the cave that is in it. I give it to you in the presence of
my people. Bury your dead.”
12 Again Abraham bowed down before
the people of the land 13 and he said to Ephron in
their hearing, “Listen to me, if you will. I will pay the price of the field.
Accept it from me so I can bury my dead there.”
14 Ephron answered Abraham, 15 “Listen
to me, my lord; the land is worth four hundred shekels of silver, but
what is that between me and you? Bury your dead.”
16 Abraham agreed to Ephron’s terms
and weighed out for him the price he had named in the hearing of the Hittites:
four hundred shekels of silver, according to the weight current among the
merchants.
17 So Ephron’s field in
Machpelah near Mamre —both the field and the cave in it, and all the
trees within the borders of the field—was deeded 18 to
Abraham as his property in the presence of all the Hittites who had
come to the gate of the city. 19 Afterward
Abraham buried his wife Sarah in the cave in the field of Machpelah near
Mamre (which is at Hebron ) in the land of Canaan. 20 So
the field and the cave in it were deeded to Abraham by the Hittites as a
burial site.
An Expression of Honor
Abraham wanted to give his wife a
proper burial out of honor for her as his loved one. He wanted to have a place
he could purchase her grave.
I want to caution you
from the two extremes when it comes to funerals and our understanding of them.
The one extreme is to make too little of funerals and burials, and the other is
to make too much of them.
It is an
increased practice that people don’t have any services of any kind. Some will
treat a person’s dead body just like an animal. It is true the Bible teaches
the body is temporary. It comes from dust and it shall return to dust. When the soul leaves it really doesn’t make a
lot of difference what you do with the body.
Some people ask me if it is proper
for a Christian to be cremated. I remind them of the many saints of God who
were burned at the stake, or as the book of Hebrews tells us some bodies were
torn into two and thrown to the animals.
It makes no difference if it is cremated, or buried, or tossed in the
garbage heap as far as eternity goes for after death we are done with the body When Jesus returns there will be a
resurrection- in 1 Corinthians 15 and I Thes 4 is clear that it will be a new
body.
I have told Judi I could care less
what she does with my body when I am gone, but I want her and the family to do
what they feel is right for them. Funeral services are for the living not for
the dead. I do not see value in extremely expensive funerals to show to others
how much we loved the person. There are also times you cannot and should not
follow the wishes of the one who died. Sometimes people think their wishes are
just as sacred as Scripture and they are not. It’s more meaningful to the
living to follow the wishes of the loved one than it is to the loved one. They
are not going to return to haunt you. Some people live under tremendous guilt
because they were unable to carry out all the wishes of a spouse.
Why don’t
we treat the dead body as we would an animal? It is simply because we are not
an animal. Each person was created in the image of God. Because as children of
God each of us are created in the image of God and are special part of God’s
creation. We are not animals. I believe this is proper as each life is a
special creation of God. I have been to funeral service when I was a chaplain
in the nursing home where only the funeral director, the director of nurses,
and myself were the only ones there at the burial. The funeral director wanted
to make it clear that there would be no money involved because there wasn’t
enough even to bury the person.
But because we no longer need our
bodies does not mean that we treat them with disrespect, but rather with honor.
Biblically I noticed how much was related to honoring the life of the person
who lived. I read today in the news of a notorious outlaw in the 1800 in
Australia was hanged and his body was thrown into a mass grave. A developer
wanted to keep the bones but the family petitioned the bones be exhumed and
place in a family burial spot.
Abraham was buried later in this spot, Isaac
was buried here, Rachael was buried here and at the end of Genesis Jacob tells
his son Joseph not to bury him in Egypt but here in this cave with Abraham and
Isaac and their wives. This is the family plot.
As you
might read in other passages about burial like Jezabeel not to be buried is a
curse and dishonor. It was a curse of God on a land when those who died were so
great they couldn’t be buried, or if one was not buried after an execution it
was against the law of Moses and a curse could come upon the land. Eccl 6:3 A man may have a hundred children and
live many years; yet no matter how long he lives, if he cannot enjoy his
prosperity and does not receive proper burial, I say that a stillborn child is
better off.”
Because of
the relationship he had with Sarah he wanted to give her a proper burial in her
own grave and not a borrowed one. Who knows what the immediate future would
hold in relationship to the Hittites?
I do not
see in the Bible where believers treat the dead like the unsaved do. Kings and
Pharoahs would have elaborate funerals where sometimes slaves and even family
members are killed with them to join them in the afterlife. Some people go all
out on expense of a funeral servicing for the sake of other people and what
they think with the misguided believe that the more I spend on the casket and
flowers the more others will know I love my spouse.
Abraham
paid the right price. It was not inflated, nor was it free. Now it might seem
odd that Abraham could have had a free grave. But that wasn’t good enough.
Certainly, we know that he had means to provide, but the neighbors would have
been proud to just give him the cave and the land as a gift. They wanted to
also honor him and her by this act of compassion. It was important to Abraham
in honor of his wife to pay the proper price. He didn’t want a professional
discount. He didn’t want to take advantage of the situation, nor did the
seller. The seller was honest and forthright saying, I want to give it to you.
This is what the market price is, not too high not too low, and without any
hesitation that is what Abraham was willing to pay.
I think
that is a good policy for business with the unsaved. Be fair in your business
dealings. Don’t let them think they hate to see you come because you rip them
off. Nor is it right to play into the emotions of the moment and be talked into
things that are not needed or wanted. The Biblical example of Abraham is to
honor the life that lives.
I would
like to add that I believe the funeral homes in this area do a very fine
service and are very helpful to talk through issues with the family to make it
as meaningful as possible and within the means and interests of the loved ones.
A burial is
also an expression of honor.
Pastor Dale
Sermon Nuggets Fri Aug 3 Faith
Verses Gen 23 & Heb 11: 13 All these people
were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things
promised; they
only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens
and strangers on earth. 14 People who say
such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If
they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had
opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they
were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
An Expression of Faith.
I think this passage is also an
expression of Faith. When we have funeral services I remind the family members
that part of what we purpose to do is to remember the person that died. Part of
why we have a service is also in a corporate and community way to let the
friends know we love them and support them and share with them in their loss
and bear their burden. Funeral service and attendance is one way of doing that,
flowers, gifts, and acts of kindness assist in that expression of love at a
time like this. It is neat to know you are remembered and thought of and prayed
for.
But a
service is also an expression of faith. We have the greatest news at that time
of a funeral and that is for anyone who is in Jesus Christ there is a passing
form this world into the next. We remind ourselves of salvation. It is an
opportunity to tell the good news that Jesus Christ died for your sins that you
regardless of your past can be forgive of all your sins and by trusting in the
works of Jesus on the cross to save you, and forgive you, you turn your life
over to the Lord with personal desires and you will be saved.
Burials
become an expression of faith. Christ is our hope beyond the grave. Only Jesus
Christ gives us the power of the resurrection, because only Jesus Christ rose
from the dead and is alive. We do not worship a dead God but a living savior
that is the whole story of Easter.
What does
this have to do with Abraham? It was a faith promise that God would lead
Abraham from Ur into a promised land and give him descendants. Now I thought he
would have a dozen kids or more, but He only had two, Isaac and Ishmael. Not
much of a crowd there and they split up and went different ways. But they were
the fruit fruits of the promise,
Interestingly
this is the first land that Abraham staked claim to as being his in the
promised land. So far everything had been borrowed, not owned. He lived in tents,
never in houses. He never settled. Jis address was a tree outside Mamre. Now he
purchased as sole owner land which by faith became the first fruits of the
promise of God that land would be theirs. Abraham’s intentions were not yet
understood. He desired a permanent possession, not a borrowed tomb. This land
of Canaan was to be his home, not a mere stopping-off place. Consequently,
Abraham asked the people to urge Ephron to sell him the cave of Machpelah,
which was at the end of his field (verse 9). This was not to be a gift but a
purchase at full value of the property.
God would
give them possession of that land some 400 years plus later. This is the spot
that had the draw on the people of Israel. It was the marker of faith that this
land is the promised land of God to the Israelites as a commitment to God.
(read Heb11:13-16)
This
becomes a mark of a fulfilled promise and a future inspiration. By determining
that Sarah, and later he and his descendants, would be buried in Canaan,
Abraham “staked his claim” in the land which God had promised. The land where
he would be buried was to be the homeland of his descendants. The place that
God had promised him was the place where he must be buried. It became the hope
for the generations that followed. It was sacred, not because a dead body was
there, but because this was part of the promise of faith by God to the people.
It was there and declared their belief in an active, living, and personal God.
Interestingly, the land of Canaan
had not yet been possessed when this book (Genesis) was written. But those who
received it from the hand of Moses were those who looked forward to its
conquest. What motivation this story must have provided for the armies of
Israel as they marched into Canaan to possess it!
The cave of Machpelah stood for centuries
as a monument to the faith of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The empty tomb of our
Lord guarantees the Christian that the grave is not our final resting place but
an abode for the body until Christ returns for His own.
What does the grave mean to you ? Is it the end or only the beginning? Your
relationship to the God of Abraham and to His Son, Jesus Christ, makes the
difference. The occasion of the death of a loved one should always be viewed as
an opportunity for Christian witness. What we say at such times is very
important, but let us not forget that what we do is also vital. Abraham’s deeds
in chapter 23 are as significant as his declarations. It was a witness of his
faith to the nations around him.
It is our goal when we bury our
loved ones to remember 1 Cor 15 we do not grieve as those who have no hope, but
grief, express you loss and your hurt and heartache, but with the hope that in
Christ there is the resurrection. There is faith. We honor our loved ones, but
only because we can honor the one who saves from sin and death and brings us to
life everlasting. We will see Abraham, Sarah, Isaac and Jacob and all who
commit their lives to the Lord.
Pastor Dale
